My Mosaic

Having a really hard time with flashbacks tonight. Seeing pictures of things I don’t wanna see. Feeling and smelling things I don’t want to.

why does this keep happening? Why does my body make me see and feel all of this all the time? I didn’t want any of this to happen and don’t want to keep remembering it all like this.

I am so angry with comm mh that they thought not giving me a new psychologist leading up to this time of the year was a good idea and then for my CM to go on leave right now. I apparently have an interim CM but I haven’t even heard from her.

I want to sleep. I need a break from it all. My body, my mind is exhausted. But sleep just = nightmares and I don’t know what is worse.

Hello lovely,

This sounds really exhausting and overwhelming for you... 😔 @Bow

I can hear you are really wanting to understand why this is happening, which makes so much sense... I am curious to know if you notice any common threads as to when flashbacks come up for you most?

Your anger is perfectly understandable too. It sounds like you are needing lots of nurturing and support right now... what are other routes do you feel you could take here?

I know that sleep feels really daunting at the moment due to nightmares, but it does sound like creating a soothing space for yourself might help... What usually helps you to safely come back to your body/the present? 💛

I deal with ptsd stuff all year long @AuntGlow but I have some trauma anniversary’s where it is much worse and one of them is just after the new year. December has been pretty crappy for me the last few years in the lead up. I know it’s going to happening I know it’s gonna suck, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Evenings are the worst generally.

I have my SW. but I don’t wanna dump too much heavy stuff on her. Don’t wanna traumatize her. My CM is away for 2 weeks. I have an interim one but haven’t even heard from her.

I don’t know

Hi @Bow

Hoping today went ok

Did D stay home?

Hi @Snowie

Yes D stayed home today. Went to bed at 8pm and didn’t wake up until 9:30am, which is a huge sleep for her. She had a pretty quiet day watching tv and doing craft.

today has been hard

lotta flashbacks

struggling to stay here and ground

Sorry about your day being hard @Bow Flashbacks can be hard.

Am around for a bit if you need company.

D must have been tired, that is a big sleep.

Don’t wanna be a burden @Snowie

hope your ok

Sorry @Bow had to feed everyone

You're not a burden hon, never have been

Hi @Bow ,

I'm sorry it is so hard. I hear the frustration. However, we do need to ask you to keep your posts recovery-oriented. Are you able to go back and edit your previous post as per the guideline, Tell the Community What you need?