My Mosaic

@Bow ohh okay, i see what you mean about the ndis.

i had a look into the butterfly foundation referral (the link i sent earlier), you can select one-on-one supports such as a psych, peer support mentor/coach, counsellor, etc. there's other options to select too (i.e. the gender, availability, location of the practitioner, etc), maybe worth checking if there's any near your post code? if you're willing to travel a bit further, you might get a few more options?

i wish i could offer you more immediate options too, but for now, the community is here for you. 💙

Oh I see what you’re talking about with the butterfly foundation @rav3n that’s their database. It lists all types of supports who are trained/ specialised in EDs and then you can search via your area etc. You would then need to go get a mental health care plan to see them. And then pay. I can’t afford private therapy, the Medicare rebate is so minuscule and I really need weekly appointments.

thanks though

I’m so annoyed with myself. Angry. I sent my SW a text last night venting about not having a psychologist and being scared about not being able to keep myself safe over the coming months. I had lots of words last night. I could have verbally been able to tell someone exactly how I was feeling, what I needed. I was angry and I could have screamed at my case manager.

My SW replied this morning, encouraging me to tell my CM this morning when I see her the exact same things. Let her know how I was feeling, what I needed and that I was scared.

I went to my appointment. But I had very few words. I sat there slumped over, spaced out and withdrawn. My voice was all hoarse and I struggled to string any words together to answer her questions.

She did ask me if I had had a chance to think about doing the DBT group. I eventually put enough words together and told her I didn’t feel like that was a priority at the moment and that I felt trauma and ED support was more important. I desperately wanted to ask her if I was at least on the wait list for psychology but I couldn’t find the words. She said they don’t have anyone there that specializes is ED care and that there is a local area health ED team but they only consult on cases they don’t see people individually. She said there are probably some private folks that she could short list some for me but they’d have a ‘small gap fee’ she said. I had a bit of anger rise up in me (not enough to respond) cause I know full well there ain’t not small gap fee. What rock is she living under???

But I was there about 10mins and then I was hit with terrible nausea, I could feel lightheadedness creeping in and the queasiness that comes with it and I got some clammy. I had a cup of water and we went and sat outside for a bit. I knew it was just low blood pressure and I eventually started feeling a bit better. CM kept asking if I wanted to walk around the corner and get a drink. I just wanted to go home. I sat a bit longer… still desperately wanting to asking about psychology but just could get the words out.

now I sit at home so angry and frustrated with myself.

Hey @Bow

I know it's not much, but it was good you could tell your SW what you are thinking.

I'm sorry things didn't go well today. I know how hard it is to get the words out at times.

Does your SW and CM talk to each other?

Here with you hon

Thanks @Snowie

yeah they both communicate. Guess I’ll see how I go next week when I see my CM.

im still not feeling great. I checked my blood pressure a while ago and it was heaps low. Trying to get some fluids into me

how are you?

I wasn't sure if your SW could show your CM what you wrote to her @Bow might make it a bit easier for you.

Hopefully the fluids help hon and you can start to feel a little better.

Just a day at home. Should get out in the sunshine since it's such a nice day but can't be bothered.

Yeah @Snowie sometimes my SW will tell my CM things for me. Or if she is in appointments with me she will advocate for me. She just has to be a bit careful cause she is very passionate about her job and advocating for her clients and she can hmm… say too much or be a bit too pushy about it. She got spoken to about it hehe

yeah it’s a nice day here today too. Although I’ve spent the afternoon downstairs in the crafting cave and it’s cool in here

still not feeling great though

I like the name of your place hon, the 'crafting cave'

I hope keeping busy down there has given you a bit of relief @Bow

It seems like your SW is advocating for you a lot more than the CM. I know they probably have different jobs, but at the end of the day it's about caring for the person in the best way possible.

Did you manage to get some fluids into you?

Just having a coffee now after picking S up from school. Yea, I did sort of get outside!

Sometimes I call it the dungeon @Snowie it’s nice down there, nice and cosy. There was already a projector screen installed, so we bought a projector off Amazon and I turn that on and either watch Netflix or listen to music. Couple of comfy chairs, a soft shaggy rug and all my arts and craft stuff and Lego. There is just no natural light.

I made my D a birthday card. Used my new cricut @tyme i made it from scratch so it’s not perfect. Each different coloured layer was cut with the machine. I also made this little desk calendar. I need to tweak it a bit but I’ll see if they sell at the market

my SW is really good @Snowie she just isn’t clinical. So is very limited on what she can do.

I’ve managed some fluids and I’ve also had a zooper dooper. Just had some dinner too.

do you have anything on tomorrow?

Wow @Bow

You continue to amaze me with all the things you make. You have so much talent and so much vision about what you can make. I wish I could buy things from you at the markets!

It's so good that you have a room dedicated to your art work. Even better if you can watch Netflix at the same time.

I have nothing in the morning but pdoc tomorrow afternoon. Probably good timing. Have school run to do too.

Have you got much on?