My Mosaic

Hey @Bow , thanks for letting us know you are safe. I’m sorry to hear things are feeling pretty eww at the moment. I recognise it takes a lot to reach out. Good on you.

What are you doing tonight?

Just watching some tv @tyme RFDS starts back tonight and I like watching that. But feeling so antsy agitated

It must be a good show because you’re the second person on the forums who has spoken about watching the RFDS @Bow . Hope it’s some distraction for you.

What have you done before when you feel agitated? In the past, I hide from the world and go to bed. Sometimes that’s just the safest place. A few tears helps too.

It’s a good show @tyme and it’s been a good episode tonight. D has been hanging around and asking lots of questions.

yeah I just want to go to bed. I often get like this of a night and want to just go crawl into bed but it’s always too early. But I’m gonna go shortly. Will go take my meds.

Hi @Bow Hoping today is going ok hon 💕💕

Hi @Snowie

im having a pretty rough day to be honest. Rough night. Been in a fair bit of pain on and off the last couple of days too.
was due to see my CM this morning, turned up, checked in, waited. Then a [edited by moderator] guy comes out. I was annoyed. My CM was off sick. I’ve told them many times that I’d prefer they let me know if my appointments get canceled so I can decide if I want to come in and check in with a random. He offered to go get a female worker, I said ok. My SW happened to be with me, only cause I was seeing her afterwards and she was just early. She already knew I wasn’t ok cause I didn’t go to group yesterday and didn’t respond her to text.
Then a totally random lady came out, at least it d spoken with the [edited by moderator] guy a couple of times. My SW went in with me. I was just annoyed. She asked annoying questions when I was already not in a good way. She kept getting the name of my CM wrong over and over again. I really didn’t have many words and just wasted her time. Only good that perhaps came of it was that both my SW and I expressed our frustration over me not having a psychologist and that I really need one. She actually asked if I had been put on the wait list and I said nope, only that I might do DBT but again no therapists. She is going to tell my CM that I want to be on the wait list for psychology.

i chased up a script and then needed to leave. It was more distressing than helpful.

chatted with my SW for a little bit. She understands how much I am struggling at the moment. She finally sees and gets.., and said it….. I am often quiet. They don’t hear from. I’m not often able to put words out. So they think I am ok, but I am really not. I spend my entire days fighting to just survive.

sorry that’s all negative. Nothing positive to share today except that maybe they’ll put me on the wait list? But I have no doubt my CM has to agree to do that.

sorry again

No need to be sorry @Bow

If just getting it all out helps even a little than it's worth it. Happy to be that listening ear for you.

The psych ordeal would be really hard. Not having anyone to talk to, to have that person we can trust. I hope that they can replace her asap.

I'm glad your SW was there, but she seems to have little control over everything. Seems like even she can't put in a request for you to see a psych.

I can understand that surviving mode. Can be so exhausting.

Have you got any plans for this afternoon?

Sorry @Snowie went into shutdown mode. It’s really confusing here at times. Feeling a real heaviness on my chest this arvo. Rather suffocating. I’m tired too. I was awake at stupid o’clock and it’s been a rather long emotional taxing day.

im sorry I didn’t ask before, how are you today?

No need for apologies @Bow

I shut down at times too. Sometimes it's just needed.

I'm not sure if you mean confusing on here or just in general.

I'm sorry today is so crummy.

Not great here. Just having another coffee.

Sigh it really is turning into a doozy of a day for me @Snowie i cant wait to go crawl back into bed. Just got so many yucky thoughts and feelings swirling around inside.

I’m sorry you’re not having an ok day either. Cuppa sounds nice. It’s been really windy here today and it’s got cold. I might have a cuppa soon to warm me up.

do you have much on tomorrow?