My Mosaic

Hi @Jynx

squishy hug first?

been an absolute shitty week. SI really bad. Overwhelmingly relentless. It’s hard to distract myself from it constantly in my thoughts. Find myself contemplating whether to go or not and plans swirling around inside my head all the time. It just feels different. And then the other day I was hit with this really confronting feeling of it being inevitable. It took my breathe away.

told my SW via text yesterday morning that there was something that I needed to say, which she did respond to that and then I typed out a long text telling her the above. Nothing.

told my psychologist yesterday morning in session. She asked if I had a when or if I had been hoarding. I said no. And she just moved on.

CM cancelled today.

SW visited today but nothing.

so I am pissed off and angry with everyone. Was not at all easy to tell them. Took courage. Lost sleep, anxiety prior. And no one cares that I have zero desire to continue living. Yeah I deal with this alot, but most of the time it’s fleeting and I can deal. But this is different. It feels more urgent. At times it feels scary and other times there is a weird peace. And here we are going into the bloody weekend.

there is a lot of swear words that I wanna yell at people

@Bow (つˆ⌣ˆ)つ BIG SQUISH

I hear you hun. It seems like you're doing the right things, you know being vocal and trying to reach out. Do you use the suicide scale with any of your supports? Maybe they aren't entirely sure when more intervention/a more hands-on approach is needed?

I think you have every right to be pissed. Whether you communicate that to them I guess depends on how much energy you have to do so.

What are you up to tonight hun?

I’ve showed it to my SW @Jynx that’s it I think.

8-9

on my bedroom floor

@Bow that's really high hun, I am hearing how scary things are for you right now. Let's take it slow though, maybe we can work together to bring the number down a lil?

Is it comfy down there?

Yep I like the floor. Sitting or laying. Sometimes it’s just more comfortable @Jynx

Hehehe @Bow we love floor time!!

I also like the differenty perspective hey.

Is your bedroom carpet nice and soft?

Ya can just do whatever down here. No restrictions on safe or falling off something.

we got cheap nasty renters carpet @Jynx dark grey, real short pile and horrible to vacuum.

gonna go take my meds. Need the day to be over. Keep hearing sirens and freaking out

@Bow if you did manage to fall off the floor I'd be very impressed! 😋

Ugh noooo! I've been thinking about getting some rugs, maybe you could too? Something pretty and patterny!

That sounds like a good plan hun. I know bed is a safe zone too. Floor time, bed time, both very good times 💜

Extra squish!

(っᵔ◡ᵔ)っ

I got a really pretty green coloured ‘sheep skin’ rug on the other side of my bed @Jynx nice on my toes when I get up of a morning. soft and fluffy is

Need to remember to breath Jynx why’d I keep holding it?

@Bow oooh love a fluffy rug!! I have one too, just from Kmart, but it manages to get all sorts of detritus in it... I would blame the kitties but my lack of frequent vacuuming probably doesn't help 😅

I forget too hun. I think when we get in our heads it's easy to forget even the simplest body stuff. Maybe write yourself a little note?

I will be logging off soonish, just so you know. But let me know how things are feeling and if an email is needed. Don't wanna repeat those crappy feelings you've had re your supports!