My Mosaic

to play devil's advocate - i wonder if they were anxious about telling you? @Bow i used to share things last min with others cos i was always waiting for 'the right time' which never really came... i did realise it was unfair on them later but i wonder if your SW shared it last min with you because you had lots going on lately and they didn't know when to share?

i'm definitely not excusing their actions, but i do think that their actions say more about them than you. you're never a burden for wanting support, and it really sucks that the poor experiences you've had has made you feel that way. you deserve a better support team - i imagine the changes in SW/CM/psychs/pdoc, etc., over the last few years has made things feel all over the place - that's not on you at all.

we don't have control over your support team, but we want to try our best to support you on the forums and make sure you don't feel like a burden here. sending you gentle hugs 💙

I’m just so frustrated. So so very frustrated @rav3n @Ru-bee @AuntGlow

comm mh called me back after I called the emergency number last night (which was mostly useless then) and mostly useless again today. Someone who knows nothing about me, like you knew you were calling me could you not of spent a quick 5mins reading a little about me first???? Praised me for at least spend 2 hrs on the treadmill today. Asked if I see a psychologist? Well yes I see someone there who’s been away for weeks and no one has done any follow up like I asked. Do you have strategies? Well yeah but they obviously aren’t working otherwise I wouldn’t be in crisis right now calling these numbers for extra support. Have you had these dark thoughts before? Yep, 6 icu admission due to attempts. No I do not want to go to hospital. Do you have family you can talk to? Go talk to your partner. No. No no no. Friends? Nope. I’m pretty lonely. Alone and lonely.

like why do I need to repeat all of this shit when I’m in crisis???? You’re all part of a team. Do they not share any of this information???

I was getting more angry and more upset the longer that I spoke with her.

she told me it was ok if I wanted to cry. Told me I could always come drop into the centre. And speak to some random and repeat all that same shit again?? No thank you. Your CM will be back in on Thursday. Great, 3 more days away.

go do some more cleaning. Some cooking. Go for a walk (more exercise?!?!!)

thanks ok. Bye.

called my SW crying. Blabber my way through repeating back to my SW how the previous phone call went.

was there any follow up planned? No. My SW is fumming that there has been no care in place of my psychologist. But nothing that she can do. Hospital? No. I can’t. She said the only good thing about hospital is they will look at my meds. I have a pdoc appointment next week. Anxiety through the roof with that one and my SW being away.

more tears. My thoughts are really bad. Not ok at all.

Its a lot right now isn't it @Bow

What can we do to help you feel a bit more grounded and more safe from those thoughts right now?

I don’t know @Ru-bee i just wanna take my meds and sleep. I don’t want to be awake at the moment

I hear you @Bow there has been so much going on today. Is being is bed what's going to keep you safe at the moment?

Possible @Ru-bee but it’s not really an option at the moment unfortunately

Okay, how long until bed is an option @Bow? Maybe we can work back from there and just take it step by step

Probably around 8pm @Ru-bee

Okay, less then 3 hours, we can do that right @Bow?

Is there anything that you need to do before that time? maybe we can work through them together

I’ve just finished dinner @Ru-bee wasnt much hungry but I ate something- first time today.
It’s bin night, so I need to do that. I’ll watch a couple of shows. That’s all I can think of sorry.