My Mosaic

Yep @tyme can use them as I need

@Bow Yes and no... mostly no 😅 One of those funky lil catch-22 where I struggle to do things like book the psychiatrist appt I need to kick start the process of getting support so that I don't struggle to do things like book the psychiatrist appt 😵🤣

Okay this might be me being cheeky but, why don't you call, let it ring once, then hang up? Then you aren't really making a phone call you're just 'pranking' her to get her attention?

That's so hard darlin. And especially to have what's supposed to be a happy occasion just feels like one of sorrow and pain. As far as I recall, your brother doesn't know...? Like as in, you aren't really able to chat to anyone from your family about it so you just kinda keep it all inside... 🥺

Oh yep I get them painful catch 22 things @Jynx @can you leave yourself a little note? ‘Hey Jynx you should make that psychiatrist appointment cause it’s gonna lead to good things including making your life easier’

I can’t really prank her either. I only get the centres number so they aren’t really going to know who’s calling them. So freaking annoying! I’ve said it before but i had my old psychologist and CM’s numbers, but not these ones.

I don’t know what my brother knows. He does not care to have anything of his dads, he doesn’t talk about him so maybe he does know? It’s just really hard. Birthdays are to be celebrated. Especially big ones like your 30th. I just wanna crawl into a hole and die. The memories are so vivid.

@Bow aww bless that is actually so cute! I will get cracking, make it all pretty-like!

*Spends 3 hours writing the note, doesn't call psychiatrist*

😂

Ugh if it's not one thing, it's another hey! If I am this frustrated just reading about your experiences then I can only imagine how you feel.

Maybe he does know... Maybe he hopes that you don't remember or something? It's always so hard when it's family, and especially when it comes to abuse. Do you think your brother notices that you're not always the most perky around his bday?

And is he having a party or something? Be nice if you could find a way to celebrate, maybe at a different time when you're able to make it just about you as siblings... IDK food for thought.

Haha your like me @Jynx @that’s what id do too.

Don’t know what to do @Jynx its hurting a lot tonight. I want it to stop

Hehe well there's a reason we get along @Bow!!

I hear you, and I know how much you want it to stop hun. Wanna take a few deep breaths here, and maybe check in with your needs? I can pop the kettle on if you like, some tea to warm you to your tootsies?

Taking some breaths I keep forgetting to do that find myself constantly holding my breath and then getting into a panic when I feel yucky body memories

I don’t really know what I need @Jynx not real good at figuring that out much guess I just need safety and to feel secure if anything

I’m gonna make a cuppa been laying here for ages trying to muster the energy to get up and make one. Probably might take my meds too

I have a post-it note that reminds me @Bow -

'Three deep breaths'

Helps me remember to pause and let myself become still.

Hmm I don't have a magic safety vibes wand alas. I got virtual hugs a-plenty and some glow sticks for the darkness, umbrellas for the stormy feelings, hmmm what else... This tiny rubber ducky for some reason, a small stockpile of resilience, annnnd oh! An infinity hug, that never runs out of warmth. Want any of those?

Mmm tea is good. Chai for me. You?

That did make me smile a little bit @Jynx post it note to remember to breath but a gorgeous 3hr note to make a phone call won’t work…. I know I know. Not that simple at all. Maybe I could put a couple of notes up. If only my Apple Watch could detect it and send me a little reminder like it does when your heart rate is high.

I wil always take a hug and the rubber ducky and glow stick too please.

I just had a chai. In my new bow mug from Kmart! Look at it!

@Bow yes correct!! I will tell you why - the note reminding me to take three breaths is a constant reminder I want all the time, for a very low effort task that always makes me feel better afterwards. A note reminding me to call the psych is a single task that will leave me feeling yucky and agitated afterwards no matter how easy it ends up being.

Hmm that is actually helpful for me to have outlined, now I feel like that can guide me with other reminders - like a note to remind me to stretch might be good! But I won't be surprised if I completely ignore a note telling me to do the dishes ahaha

Ohhh turns out the ducks glow!! Take your pick hehehe

OMG I LOVE IT!! It matches your profile pic and everything!! Aww that's so wholesome, it's like every cuppa is a gift!! 😍

I shall bid you goodnight hun, the hugs are off into the aether and on their way to you already 😊💜