My Mosaic

@Ru-bee I had a visit with my SW this morning and I’m just really frustrated with how it went. I hadn’t seen her in over a week and haven’t had a home visit for weeks- just how my supports have turned out. Which means that I haven’t had the opportunity to have a decent conversation with her. And so much has been happening that I was really hanging out for this visit.
She was really distracted by the kittens. (Hadn’t seen them for ages, they had grown heaps, she’s a cat person and the kittens leave Thursday). We talked a bit about house hunting and then she needed to leave.
I am so angry and frustrated with myself that I am not able to assert what my needs are. That I don’t want to talk kittens for ages and her cats. Urgh. I’m so useless. I just waste her time.

I can hear how frustrating and disappointing that is @Bow I'm really sorry that it didn't turn out the way you were needing it to.

I have real trouble speaking up for my own needs too sometimes due to shyness, social anxiety and needing to people please, and I know how upset I get with myself during those times... So while I want to say that of course you're not useless (you're definitely not) and that I very much doubt that your SW would feel that their time was wasted, I get that it really feels that way right now.

When do you see your SW next?

I’m not sure when I will see her next @Ru-bee she might be in the office tomorrow when I’m there for arts and craft group. Otherwise I will speak with her on the phone for the rest of the week.

Could any of these be opportunities for you to talk to your SW about today and how you were feeling afterwards @Bow?

They could @Ru-bee but it won’t happen cause I’ll continue to be a useless failure just can’t do anything right. Don’t even know why I bother anymore. Nothing is ever going to change

Sounds like you're really beating yourself up over this, hey @Bow?

It's okay to feel a bit crap and disappointed when we've have days like you have, and I'm glad you're able to express your frustrations here, but I wonder if you're able to extend yourself some gentleness? How would you talk to a friend feeling what you're feeling at the moment?

You are deserving of gentleness and of support, even if it might not feel like it right now

No kind no gentle for bow @Ru-bee she not deserve it she never do things good never do things right always mess things up she’s bad bad bad

We must be talking about two different Bows @Bow (though I can't imagine anyone not deserving of gentleness) The Bow I know is wonderful and strong and caring

I'm really sorry you had a crummy day today, I hope that tomorrow is better. I'm about to head off for the evening but I hope you can find some kindness for my friend Bow ❤️

No no no

nevermind

my friend @Jynx is you here tonite ?

hey @Bow sorry to hear today was rough, speaking up for ourselves isn't always easy. i know i definitely struggle with it too, and then i feel annoyed at myself afterwards. but it's okay, some days its harder to speak up than others (especially the days we need support the most), and it doesn't make us stupid, just makes us human. you're not alone. 💗

also just wanted to let you know that @Jynx isn't on forums at the moment (they're helping with other stuff), they'll be back around 8pm though.