My Mosaic

Hey @Bow ya am ok!! There was a protest for Trans Day of Action in the city, my partner was helping to organise it - and I also have, well you know, quite a personal stake in the cause!! So I decided to go march!

Saw you had a crappo time yesterday hey? How you doin this arvo?

Oh that’s heaps cool @Jynx that you could be involved in some like that.

yeah pretty shitty crummy day yesterday. Still lotsa yuckiness and anxiety pumping through my body.
SW came to visit today, kittens were out and she was very distracted by them 😩 but we eventually went through the list of things I need to do from my gp appointment and made a rough plan to get them all done.
I can not express how absolutely terrified I am about my psychologist appointment Thursday. And even Wednesdays home visit from CM.

@Bow yessss good on ya for taking care of you!! how was your day at home? did you get a chance to chat w SW today?

ohh yep just wanted to double check, i've made typos like that too many times haha.

LOVEEEE pastel colours, i bet they look amazing!! and yes, i didn't think anyone would get the colour association of the name but you did, yay! and also i drive at night a lot so thought it was fitting.

@Bow haha awww darn those cuties!! But glad you did get your plan done and all!

Aye I can imagine, after last time! Do you wanna chat a bit about what feels scary?

Actually spent a lot of time curled up in bed today @rav3n just feeling really crummy and depressed. Yeah my SW came to visit and we chatted a little bit. Made a bit of a plan to get everything done from my gp appointment yesterday.

I think sometimes it’s just auto changed thanks to my phone! It’s so annoying some of the things that it changes things to.

@Jynx to be completely honest she just really not feeling like a safe person anymore.

it’s taken such a freaking long time to be able to build some kind of trust and rapport with her and last weeks appointment has just totally smashed that to oblivion.

@Bow Aye, I bet. That would likely be a good thing to lead the session with - that you don't feel safe. Cos her response will help determine whether the relationship can be repaired or not, you know? Like if she is accountable, validating, and reassuring, maybe you will feel more comfortable w her again, but if she denies, shuts you down, or dismisses your concerns, well then you know she isn't safe!!

ohh those crummy feelings suck @Bow gentle hugs to you 💙

yay to working on creating a plan with your SW!! despite feeling low, you got this done - sounds like a big win for today.

And that’s the thing though eh @Jynx do I feel safe enough to be honest about how I am feeling about all this??? Cause I was sitting here a little bit ago thinking about it, going over what I might say and I can feel the anxiety and I can feel myself starting to disappear. And that done feel safe.

@Bow definitely a tough situation hun, and alas I don't have an easy answer for you.

I guess I would be thinking about like... have you had times with this psych where you did feel super safe, well-cared for, validated, and seen/heard/understood? If so, do you think it's possible/worth the effort to try to get back there? And if not, then yeah I'd definitely be considering whether this person is actually going to help me, or end up hindering me in my recovery.