My Mosaic

D has seemed a little better this afternoon @Snowie and is sitting at the table trying to have some dinner… but she’s struggling. At least I’ve been able to keep her fluids up.

oh I still want my mum when I’m sick! She got up to me while I was sick when we were away.
I nearly pass out when I’ve had my meds of a night and need to get up. Don’t know how many times I’ve ended up at the hospital for my mh after I’ve taken my meds and I just need to lay down. I once grabbed a couple of blankets after sitting in the ambulance bay for hours and curled up on the floor. Some cranky nurse came along and demanded I get up off the floor cause it makes the hospital look bad! Told me she’d get security onto me if I didn’t get up straight away. B!7€h!

Just been watching tv really. Watched season 1 last of a series on stan. Spent most of the afternoon frustrated with myself and beating myself up cause I’ve been so lazy. I’ve got little piles of things that I need to put away. But they are still sitting there. Hopefully tomorrow.

mum and I were talking while cooking dinner about all the steps we did. She always did more cause she is short and takes smaller steps! There was one day that she is 27k!
we both had a lot of issues with our back while away unfortunately. Especially the first week or so. I think we both tried to sleep on the plane in uncomfortable awkward positions and that stuffed our backs up. And cause we had our days jam packed, we hurt! But I think when we had a couple of slower days and a chance for our backs to rest and recover, they didn’t hurt as much. But we found you could get the good drugs over the counter still in london!

what did you get up to today?

I guess it doesn't really matter if D eats, as long as she has fluids @Bow

Hopefully she has been through the worse and it's only up from here. Will she sleep with you tonight?

You're not being lazy hon. Especially after your trip and D being unwell, it's ok to have some days where not much is done. Plenty of time to put things away, no time limit.

That is a lot of steps. It's good that D could keep up, or maybe it's easier if you are younger.

Didn't do much today. Was up during the night sick. Not much sleep, so today was a quiet day. Did get my car back from the mechanic so that was good.

@Snowie d just made the comment that it’s easier to get to sleep in my bed! She still seems fine so can sleep in her own bed tonight. She’ll come down to me if she needs me.

D kept up well. I felt bad cause D and I walk at a steady pace and we constantly had to stop and wait for my mum to catch up. I was constantly checking in with my mum making sure she was ok. She hasn’t done a big trip like that before.

Sorry you were sick last night. That’s no good. Are you feeling ok now?

They always love sleeping in our beds!!

Hopefully she has a better night tonight and can sleep all the way through @Bow

I can imagine you and D walking at a good pace and then having to slow down for your mum.

I always have to remember to walk slow when I'm with my mum too. I have noticed in the last 6 -7 months she has gotten a bit slower too.

I don't know what it was last night. I've been really careful with what I've eaten today so will see how I go. I feel ok at the moment, just tired.

Struggled with my thoughts today. Guess kinda a new years pondering delay. Different year same crap. Watching the years go by and not living. Not doing much with myself. Feeling depressed. Deflated.

Sending lots of love @Bow

🩵🤗🩵

sorry to hear that those feelings have been weighing on you recently @Bow sitting with you, you're not alone. and one more thing, i think this year will be different. i'm manifesting good things for you 💜

Comm mh called this morning….. I finally took a call after shutting everyone out. I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow I knew nothing about. Not sure I’m in the headspace for it.

also let my SW in too. She was getting worried. She came to visit. Stayed nearly 2 hrs. Torn between needing to shut people out and needing support. Urgh

not at all in the place to attend appointments at the moment. But have this pdoc one tomorrow. I had planned on ignoring my psych appointment on Thursday. And then my SW asked about dietitian, bloods and gp appointments. Slow down already 😩

Hey @Bow how did it feel letting your SW in today? Aside from all the information they brought about the other appointment and asking about all of those additional appointments, how did it feel to let them support you today?

It was actually hard @Ru-bee cause despite letting her in, I kept my walls up. When she asked why the last few days had been hard I hesitated… and just said it’s a hard time of the year. I didn’t wanna talk about it. Didn’t wanna go there with her. Thankfully she understood/ remembered what I was referring to and didn’t push.
It was also hard cause she is different. She’s not like my old SW. still trying to work out how she works. What all that looks like. If that makes sense?