My Mosaic

@Bow sorry to hear you're struggling right now! do you have any supports you can reach out to tonight?

is there any way to speak to the psych 1-on-1 and express how it makes you feel? i can imagine that the rush of the session would make it overwhelming!

i can see that you're working really hard on yourself, sending you lots of love 💗

It’s ok if you wanna talk about it @Bow. I can step away so you are free, if that helps.

Can you say to your psych that you are struggling and need to focus on other stuff? Can you write it out and hand it to them?

I hope the gastro specialist goes well.

I could call comm mh after hours but I never know who I will get and I’m not feeling up to that @rav3n

I’m not good at expressing my feelings in regards to my current psychologist arrangement. It’s not ideal. It all changed last year when my old psych left, she was perfect. Amazing. And my current psych is not the same. The arrangements are not the same. And I hate it. And have no say over it.

its shit

I can hopefully let my psych know where things are at at the beginning of my session @Captain24 We usually do a check in.

I hope they listen @Bow

Have you talked to the Butterfly Foundation recently? Would that give you a little support?

@Bow totally understand if you're not comfortable expressing your feelings to your psych! These sessions are supposed to help you feel better, it sucks to hear it's doing the opposite. I'm just wondering if you've tried communicating those feelings via writing before? Like writing an email/on paper and passing it onto the psych rather than expressing yourself face-to-face? I find that written communication much less daunting and you have time to pick out exactly what you want to say.

are you feeling safe at the moment?

I find writing much easier @rav3n and use to use it a lot with my old psych and it was passed onto my new psych that I find it difficult to speak sometimes and that writing is easier. But she is always reluctant to read anything. She’ll push for me to read it to her. Which makes me angry. So a lot of important information just goes unsaid.

I walked into my room tonight after shutting the house up, animals to bed and daughter tucked in and had this overwhelming SI feelings and urges coming rushing over me.
how could I do that to her????

Hey @Captain24 @I actually reached out to them last week. It had been ages and actually got a really lovely lady.!

im tired tonight. So really hoping to be asleep real soon. Ya know how ya lay there and the scrolls get slower and slower and you start drifting off, then ya think you should put your phone down and switch off the light. You avoid it for a little bit but then cave in and put your phone down and turn off the light. Ya wiggle a bit and get comfy and then your bloody wide awake again!!!! Every night!!

OMG @Bow

I was reading that and I got slower and slower and I could feel the near sleep feeling. Then I got a jump scare.. wide awake.

I’m glad you got someone good. I did chat and see was awesome. It’s good to be able to admit exactly what is going on with no judgement.

Oh wow that sucks that she's been reluctant to read it @Bow! I see that she's trying to encourage you to speak instead but it seems like she's lost your trust instead. Have you thought about getting a new psych? I think some places you can just request for a transfer/change at the reception (maybe email them if you're not comfortable talking) without having to directly speak to your current psych - it could be different at your place though.

Those SI thoughts just pop in and out without warning sometimes, if they pop up again I just wanted to remind you to please reach out to your supports - or if you're still not feeling up to talking to them, there's also these:
Lifeline 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/
Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/
If feeling unsafe, please contact 000

hope you sleep well 💗