My Mosaic

@Jynx Oh yeah that makes sense. I know a lot of people cringe at home and away and neighbors, but it’s something that I enjoy. It’s kinda my wind down time. My step dad use to call it ‘crap hour’ cause he hated it. We all have our own flavor of tv viewing and really shouldn’t be judge on it.
Anyways I’m watching ‘the good doctor’ while I’m on the treadmill this morning. You watched any of it? Autistic boy is an amazingly clever dr. It’s the final season.

the summit, kinda a survivor like show. They all have a share in the money in their backpacks. They do challenges, climbing icy waterfalls, cross a rope bridge with a massive drop, they vote people off along the way. They gotta get to the summit by a certain time or they all lose the money.

psychologist this morning. Sigh. Don’t wanna go. She always asks what I want to talk about but I never know cause it’s all just a jumbled mess inside and nothing makes sense

Good morning @Bow

Hoping your psych appointment went ok hon

Wishing you a good day today 💗💗

@Bow I imagine it's a ritual for you now, which is neat - ritual and routine are good for us hey. Ooh never heard of The Good Doctor, I'll have to scope it out! Do love me some autistic representation 😊

Ahh makes more sense, I was picturing like, they get a budget and use that to buy food and supplies, but then my brain was like 'yo with a cool mill as a budget they could just hire a helicopter so that obviously isn't it' 😂

How did your appt end up going?

Heya @Snowie how you travelling today love?

Hi @Jynx

Had a shower and got dressed so yea for me.

My pdoc will be mad at me

You're already beating me then @Snowie I'm still in my pjs!

Oh no whyso?

Pj days are good @Jynx

Just things I've been doing

That's a difficult thing to walk into for sure @Snowie - just outta curiosity, has your pdoc gotten mad at you for it in the past?

Probably not mad but frustrated @Jynx Maybe it's me getting more mad at myself.

Telling me that it is not good/healthy for me. Sorry

Today has been pretty rough again @Jynx I’ve been really zonked despite stimulant meds. I slept ok too. (SW made the comment maybe it’s cause of my reduced oral intake again)

psych appointment went ok. I took my schema group mode map work with me and we talked through that. Think it helped a little to cement it into my brain some more…. But again hard to totally focus, very disconnected. We also talked about how I crash very quickly after group and my safety becomes an issue especially on the way home. So we talked through some possible solutions or at least some things to try.

I think sometimes they don’t take me seriously enough.

I went to my journaling group and sat there very disconnected. I stayed and chatted with my SW afterwards. She’s worried. She can see my eyes changing. She tried to suggest so many different things, but just don’t feel like I can do any of them. Wasn’t completely honest with her either.

it’s nearly dinner time. I’m not at all hungry. I feel sick and I have really bad gag reflex.

You have nothing to be sorry for @Snowie!

Mm it can feel really rough to be the source of someone's frustration... I reckon it'd put me straight back into childhood where my parents would say like 'I'm not mad, just disappointed' (which we all know is WORSE).

Try not to be too hard on yourself hun. Coping is coping, even when we know it's not a healthy method. And no one can shame themselves into making progress, we all flourish better with compassion, especially if it comes from within.

I hope the appt ends up being helpful, and if you do find yourself sitting with shame in the room, vocalising it might help demonstrate that compassion is what you're needing right now 💜