My Mosaic

@Bow I think even small moments of goodness are victories. My experiences in recovery tell me that it is these small moments we must look for, lift up, and celebrate; and put effort towards increasing their frequency and duration. It does suck if you compare it to all the bad, and look at the ratio like 'Oh great, 10 good minutes out of 24 hours is obvs a failure'... but if it's ten minutes more than you had yesterday, it's a win in my books. If we amplify and commiserate over all the little negatives, we gotta apply that fervour to the little positives too.

I'm sorry things are feeling spirally hun, here with you 💜

You always find a way to turn everything around @Jynx make it into something positive

Aww thanks @Bow, I try. And honestly, the ability to do so is not something inherent to me - it's a skill that took practice and concentrated effort to hone. Which means anyone can do the same 😊

How did you feel sharing and teaching your pepple art today btw? That sounds so awesome!

Don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it @Jynx

It was ok. I didn’t really have to do much in the end. People just went with it and did their own thing. Think my SW needed the most help. But they enjoyed it so much that they wanna do it again next week.

this is what I made today

@Bow you can and you will! First step might be to say to yourself, 'Even though my brain tells me I won't ever be able to do that, that doesn't mean it has to be true'. Our narratives shape our reality after all 😉

Those are so nice!! Hehe the kitty is so cute!! I think it's so wonderful when we get to share our creativity hey. I can imagine you made some folks' day!

That feels heaps hard @Jynx im never any good at doing that stuff… guess that’s why I’m where I am. and why I feel like things will never get any better.

I had a moment at the markets on Sunday… selling my art pieces. Realizing that people buy my art and display it in their homes. I went to offer one lady a bag to put her piece in and she said no thanks, I want people to see it.

@Bow it's hard, yes. It's uncomfortable and takes effort. It's work worth doing though, and always gets easier over time. Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something.

Aww that's amazing!! Something to be very proud of, for sure! You are personally responsible for bringing that joy into people's lives 💜

@Bow I can understand that. We run on habit, and right now, this state of being, these thoughts, are automatic for you. That can feel insurmountable, because how do we stop something that is automatic? By noticing it and engaging with it (i.e. not shaming ourselves for it or hiding away from it), and gently changing and adjusting how we think and feel over time.

Perhaps you might be yearning for simplicity? To do this work is effortful and time consuming, and can feel incredibly daunting. If we look at it only big picture - to somehow get from chronic SI to living well can seem impossible. But it can be done - incremental changes can feel useless, or like they're not making a difference, but they are the difference. That feeling of joy you experienced at knowing how much folks are enjoying your art? That's one small piece of joy that I imagine feels too tiny, too insignificant next to the overwhelming darkness. But if you work towards building and introducing more and more opportunities for that joy, then the darkness won't be able to hold you so tightly.

Urghhhh anxiety is through the roof

listed my car to sell. Over 20 messages in 1/2hr. I just don’t have the capacity to deal with all of this, but it needs doing.

daughter trialing a sleep over at her fathers this weekend again. Sigh. Anxious about that.

today’s just been real hard