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I don't matter

IciContributor02 Nov 2020, 2:20 am AEDT

I don't matter

I know that is a selfish heading, but as a person... I just don't. I am useful for other people. I am convenient. I am someone who validates the needs of others.

As a single entity, I don't matter. My life is that cĺiche no good deed goes unpunished. I seem to exist as a empty shell that just is there. Need a dog driven 3000kms, ok. Oh cat too? Sure why not. You're drowning at work, yes I will sign on, don't worry about the fact that this climate causes me pain. Sleep is overrated. Sure I can pretend this is benefiting me if you feel better. Need not to feel guilty? Ok! Look at all these skills I am acquiring for a job I don't want! It's great.

Oh sorry I left town for a couple days and it went longer, there was this crisis. I'm sorry you are inconvenienced!! This wasn't the plan. You're right of course I only exist because someone else needs something, how could I dare take time away and not be there for you to point out how I never do anything?

Well yes, I thought a vacation would be nice, I need some beauty in my life right now because I am empty inside, I have nothing left. But of course your needs come first, it is too late anyway, the places I want to see are closed now, won't reopen for months. I don't matter, and of course I know how inconvenient my staying to help you has been!! The hire car is expensive to be sure!! What can I do? I leave and I let you down. I stay I am a burdensome expense.

Yes I know I am still gone, it is terribly inconvenient for you. I know I should be back so you can explain how inconsiderate I am. I know I can't come back because I prove I am unreliable. I know I am nothing but a disappointment either way.

- I don't matter. I don't exist beyond what those around me need of me. Even then, I am only a point of discontent.

I am so tired, my pain so constant, I don't want to stay, I can't go. I try to find beauty around me. I try to find something to give me matter. All I find is pain. Oh well.

I don't matter anyway

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In response to: I don't matter

Unknown userMember03 Nov 2020, 8:05 pm AEDT

Re: I don't matter

@Ici you do matter.

You matter to the people who have been, are, and will be in your life.

Your happiness matters.

Your leisure matters.

Your devotion matters.

Your kindness matters.

Your free time matters.

You matter.

Those people using you, and taking you for granted do not deserve to be in your life, and you do not owe them a thing. They are in your debt, not the other way around.

You need to pull back, remember the word "no", that is all you need to say, no explanation needed.

When you wake up in the morning, someone is grateful.

When you smile, you make someone's day better.

When you laugh, you brighten the room.

Everything you do or say, every breath you take is important.

Your life matters.

Take back control from them, it is your life, your time, your energy, you can say "no".

Please remember every day, even just by smiling at a stranger, you matter to that stranger in that very moment you connected with them.

Look after you, the rest will sort themselves out.

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