Hard to find help

Hello @Maggie

Welcome to the Forums. Thank you for sharing the lines from your song – they are melancholy but beautiful at the same. I’m sorry to hear you are still feeling lonely.

Finding help can be a difficult process. I know there are lots of people here on the forums who have had some false starts before finding support that was helpful for them. @Nohope has recently joined the Forums and has posted here about trying to find the right support and has received some great tips from @Sahara and @RG01.

Sometimes a first session with a particular practitioner can leave us feeling lonely or unsupported. It can bring up difficult memories and emotions, but we might not yet have the connection with the practitioner to feel supported and understood. Do you have another appointment lined up?

Hi @Maggie

I have just read your message and I am so sorry that you have had a bad start to your search for help

Sometimes people suggest things that are not helpful - and it can set us back seriously - more than people know

Personally I never deal with platitudes and really wonder why people suggest a "nice cup of tea" could possibly help me in the middle of a bad time - it makes no sense at all

And so it also seems that you need more than what was suggested - putting the past behind you and finding a purpose is really thin - and not at all helpful

Things failed for you with this person - not everyone is like that - maybe it is really hard to voice what is really happening

This website is a good place to start - people here are very open to people's stories - and offer on-line friendship and support - and really care for each other

So this is a first step - and I wish you all the best

Decadian

Hi @Maggie

Welcome to the forums and thanks for writing about your experience with your first visit to the psychologist. So many people have had the same experience of not finding support or not straight away.

I can also relate to your song lyrics.

I agree with what @Former-Member has said that it might be your psychologist doesnt know you well enough yet to give advice that fits well. And you might need time to get to know them to allow enough 'deep' information yet. With my psychologist it took a really really long time to build up enough trust to be able to really start working on where i was at. And even then i wasnt able to do it verbally.. i just wrote it all in a letter. She didnt completely freak out, call me names, send me away because i was 'too' crazy etc... or any other of my fears and i slowly progressed a bit from there.

I know other people have had to go through a few psychologists until they found one that they could really relate to as well. Finding someone who you can relate to personally helps as well.. so i guess there's a balance of giving it enough time to know if its going to work out or not. I cant remember what/where a conversation on this was from a while ago but someone said they always gave a 'new' person 4 sessions to see if they were going to helpful.

I do hope that you find that you can feel supported here and gain some understanding from people while you are seeking it in the offline world.

take care

lj

Hi Maggie,

Thanks for your post.

It’s really tough walking away from a “help-seeking” experience feeling worse than when you arrived. I wonder what your thoughts were on being told to “put the past behind you, find a purpose, be happy, read books and don’t watch TV” – are these things that you feel you can do right now? Are they even things that you necessarily want, or the way that you feel things might improve? Of course it’s all well and good to say, “be happy, find a purpose”, but it’s a much different story actually working what that looks like and how to make it happen for yourself when you have felt so broken for so long. It sounds like you didn’t feel very heard, affirmed or validated in that session, rather you were almost told to “get on with it”, which at least from my experience, is the last thing that you want to hear when you’re suffering.

Your song says to me that you long for someone to hear you, to understand you, and to stand with you, not to “problem solve” or tell you what you need to do to make things “right”. Just someone who can be there with you, who can share and hold your suffering and help you understand it, help you process it.

I hope you can keep giving therapy a go, either with this therapist, or with another. Perhaps you could even share with your therapist how you felt after your last session, how you walked away feeling more alone than before. This is important stuff, and it might really help you and your therapist deepen your relationship and work out a way of working together that is productive and helpful for you.

All the best,
supernova.

Thanks for the replys I really do appreciate your well wishes. I have tried before to find help, but when I find someone they leave or go into private practice. I take ages to open up and trust and I think I will just keep looking. It's so hard to go to appointments as I stay inside most of the time only going out to the garden with me best mate, my little chihuahua dog. I find the world frightening as a result have few friends. Depression is hard to live with and hard for those around you even though I cover it up with a smile. Thank you.

Excellent stuff @Former-Member

Hi @Maggie

I am the kind of person who can listen - but if I need to and it's appropriate I will talk and talk and talk

But during my recent psychotherapy my psychologist told me I was easy to work with because I brought myself and my past and all that had hurt me and whatever - into the sessions

And I learned that there are people who find this hard - and having thought about it - it would be hard - but when I started my journey when my son was 7 and life was intolerable I needed help and I talked and talked and talked - and give me time - I have had something on my mind today and might ring Life Line today - things affect me that way - but give me time

I think that if you find this hard to open up it means taking time to learn how you can best relate to your therapist - or us - or whomever - as it says somewhere - it takes all kinds - we are not robots - we are not genetically identical and viva la difference

So - as @Former-Member has said - you don't have to spill out the whole story - in fact - when I joined this forum a few months ago I sort of told the main reason I was there but waiting until I felt that I could talk in here - and on the same day I joined another forum - and after a few days - I dropped that one and stuck with this site and know it's well moderated and safe

After a while you will identify with a few people more than others - this is normal - and reading other people stories has been helpful for me - I have not been alone with my story - no one story is the same - but a lot of cross-pollination takes place - and this is really good -

So - read for a while and let us know you are around - and if you like someone's post - add a little tick in the box - and that's all - we can tell you are there - and we want you to me

All the best - you are welcome here

Decadian