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BPD father and missed engagement party

Sarah_850New Contributor29 Oct 2020, 7:24 am AEDT

BPD father and missed engagement party

Hi all,

My dad is in a bit of a manic state at the moment. He has what we strongly suspect is BPD and bipolar. He never sort treatment and refuses to even go to a GP.

We (my mum and two sisters) are left to guess and manage as best we can.

Its a long story but he wasn't able to attend an informal engagement party with my partner and his family yeaterday. It was painful and humiliating as I didn't know what to say.

I think as a carer or loved one of someone with mental health issues you constantly grieve for those micro moments lost or missing. The lack of presence or availability of our suffering loved one with mental health problems is constant and very challenging. We can adjust expectations of carer and disabled loved one but sometimes we still crave for the role they also occupy (husband, wife, sibling or in my case father).

In this case, yesterday I really needed my dad...

2 replies

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In response to: BPD father and missed engagement party

saltandpepperSenior Contributor29 Oct 2020, 9:10 am AEDT

Re: BPD father and missed engagement party

Hi @Sarah_850

I'm really sorry your Dad let you down. I feel for you. I know it can be very difficult for those with BPD to accept they need treatment, and I'm sorry he hasn't been able to take that step for the sake of his family. I don't have any advice to offer here, but I feel for you and I know there are a few BPD forum members here that may have some advice for you.
All the best.

In response to: BPD father and missed engagement party

BPDSurvivorSenior Contributor31 Oct 2020, 7:27 pm AEDT

Re: BPD father and missed engagement party

Dear @Sarah_850 ,

Im so sorry to hear of your disappointment. It must have been something you were eagerly awaiting, only for him not to show up.

As upsetting as it was, it is probably reasonable to say that if your father was manic, it was the bipolar that caused him not to show up, and not his intentions. Just as people becoming physically unwell, people can also be mentally unwell. If your father did not turn up because he was physically sick, would you have had the same reaction? Please don't think I am underestimating your hurt. It is totally valid to think and feel what you are feeling.

BPD and bipolar require very different approaches in terms of treatment. Bipolar (with manic/depressive episodes) requires more a medication approach, whereas BPD requires talking therapies. I can see why he may resist BPD treatment, but when he is manic/depressive, there comes a point where he needs medical intervention.

First things first, does your father admit or acknowledge something in his life is not working or not right? This is the first step to seeking help.

Hugs @Sarah_850 ,

BPDSurvivor

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