Struggling

Tiki. Sounds as though you feel pretty isolated as well. It's difficult when every word we say seems to be held against us too. Do you have any family support or someone close you trust enough to talk to without that feeling of having to justify. Lifeline/Beyond Blue never judge, they're pretty good when it comes to 'venting'. Maybe phone lifeline or BB, they have counsellors who will listen, and offer guidance/support. Please never feel as though you're being judged or watched. I've been there and it can be pretty awful. Reach out, someone will take care and listen.

@Tiki. I'm so glad you wrote on this site. I've felt like you do. The best thing I did was ask for help from the professionals. If you don't have a psychologists - go and talk to your gp. They won't judge you & will know what help to get you.
Sometimes when I have been feeling that down, the only thing I managed to do was literally breath. & that's ok that I couldn't do anything else. It's enough to stay safe.
Please keep talking to us here. We don't judge & we understand. Also, talk to your gp, psychologist and / or lifeline.

Well thank you everyone I'm still here just breathing, trying to keep focus on life.

@Tiki. Breathing in - breathing out - & repeating is great. Focusing on literally breathing can help relax you and help you refocus on something else.
I'm glad you're still here.
Have you got any plans for the weekend? Maybe walking to the shops to get some bread. Or planning on catching up with a friend - even by telephone. Or maybe judt listening to some music that you used to enjoy. It doesn't have to be anything big. Just something for you.
I'm taking my boy to his last soccer match for this year (I missed a few when I was too depressed or in hospital - I'm not missing this one). Then I'm driving him the 2 hours to drop him at his dads. When I get back home I hope to visit my best friend and some of her family that are visiting this weekend. I haven't done that in months.
If I'm too tired to go, then I might just treat myself to a soak in the bath before going to bed.
Anyway. I hope your weekend goes well & that you can feel a bit better

I totally understand that feeling too. Just keep waking up, do whatever you can, just one more day... then one more day.. Things will change as nothing in life stays the same forever,and i also understand right now you probably can't see that, as I often can't either. But as the song says, "Hold on, for one more day". Just wanted to send you love and light, and to remind you to take life one moment at a time if that is all you can manage. I do believe there are better things ahead for you.. without the rain, there is no rainbow. Much love and strength to you x