hi everyone. im new here

You have taken a brave step to reach out here and that in itself is a positive @magical_journey

You will find many people here dealing with similar mental illnesses and with a long history and daily struggles with MH so you are not alone.

Whilst it is horrible you have been through DV and he is still being abusive to you through the kids you have left that relationship and can begin to rebuild your life going forward. It is not an easy thing to do but reognising what it was doing to you and leaving was the first step.

Do you have any supports in place to help you deal with all this (GP, psych. pdoc, etc.) Also have you contact 1800 RESPECT to get some additional help/support?

It is great you have found us here as well - it is a very supportive community so welcome to the forum

hi @Zoe7

thanks for replying.

its been hard since i have left him.

i found it hard as i have no family or friends. i had to get use to doing everything on my own and i really struggled do everthing even down to the point of putting a new battery in my car. i had been marriade for 13 yrs. and coming up to the year of leaving him anniversary it made me realise that i havent come far. i though i would have come a long way after leaving him. but i havent and thats what gets me down so uch. it doesnt help that he moved on straight away with an older woman.

i see a phych and doc and i get some help through NDIS with a support worker and cleaner for the house. i have also called 1800 respect too.

i am trying but i dont feel like im a good enough mum or person if anything. i just really hate myself all the time.

Hi @magical_journey and welcome to the Sane Forums.

You will find lots of support here from everyone. I am sorry you have had to go through so much in your life, but you show an enormous amount of resilience and strength to keep going.

I am glad to hear you have supports in place already. Please keep reaching out on here, we are all here to support each other.

Take care hun 💕💕

Hearing you @magical_journey but also don't be so hard on yourself. It is a massive move to be on your own and in my experience it takes time to 'find yourself' again. After years of abuse and also the long history you have had with MI it really is not an overnight fix. Give yourself time Hon and try to acknowledge and celebrate the 'wins'. The biggest of those is your courage to leave an abusive relationship - that is hard to do when you know there is so much you have relied on from your partner and then have to face doing it on your own. ...and it is the little things like chaning a battery that many do as a matter of course that you need to work out for yourself - and that is hard.

I have also been through DV and worked at a women's refuge and one of the things that we used to do is to teach women how to do the so-called smaller things - like changing a battery or even a fuse. It is amazing how those little things for some are massive obstacles for others so give yourself credit for the things you can do and then work on the things you have more difficulty with.

That sense of self has no doubt been suppressed for so long for you just to survive each day so give yourself time to find you again. Start small - do little things that give you pleasure or have always wanted to do but never been able to. Set small, achievable goals and celebrate them when you have achieved them. Finding ourselves again is an ongoing process but there can be so much joy in that process.

What are some of the things you like to do or have alaways wished you could do?

thanks @Zoe7

you putting it like that, it all makes sence and deep down i know its true but while im depressed or have anxiety or just going through my s*** , i just cant see it . or even i dont want to see it. i just get so angry at myself and even SH , that how angry i get with my self. but when im feeling fine and good i know all of what you have said is true.

i love doing art. painting , drawing and writting.

i wish i could do alot more than i can atm,. im living of 50% of lungs and there is something wrong with my heart to. which im trying to sort out.

It seems we have a lot in common @magical_journey Like many others here I also love art - painting, drawing, craft, woodwork - and writing. My recent stay in hospital also found some issues with my lungs and heart - but mine is most likely linked to sleep apnea as well as asthma - still undergoing tests...

We have art, craft and writing threads ... Through One's Eyes is an art thread, Re: Craft Corner.Number 4 attempt and Re: writing as a form of therapy are threads you might like to check out whn you get time. They are all social threads and have many very creative members who post there.

I definitely hear you about how we feel about ourselves when we are not doing so well - all the negative things we feel about ourselves ....or the abusive comments directed towards us previously ...come to the fore and it is a hard mindset to get out of. Even those little periods of feeling okay seem to never last. It really has been entrenched within us for a long time and those thoughts, patterns, ideals about ourselves are hard to break out of. That is what DV does to us - it makes us feel less 'normal', less human and certainly not worthy of anything but there is a road forward. It really is a step by step and longer term thing though - years of abuse, being put down, blamed and 'attacked' destroys any sense of self worth we once had and to rebuild that takes time. I personally have been out of that situation for a long time and can honestly say that I am still very much working on liking myself ...and it only takes one small thing at times to set me right back - but that is what DV does - it not only takes away our freedom buit a part of our soul as well. I am so glad you have found us here though because together we can all help to support you to build yourself up again - you are worthy, you are strong and you matter

thanks so much @Zoe7

it means a lot.

yeah i found the art thread. i have posted some of my paintings that i have done.

I will have a look @magical_journey

That is the craft corner you posted on so I didn't get a notification for it @magical_journey Try also posting on Through One's Eyes Most of us painters post there. There is little difference but different members post on the two different threads.