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Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

TufflifeSenior Contributor08 Aug 2016, 6:38 pm AEST

Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

Hi everyone ,

Over the last 6-7 weeks I been struggling with my depression worsening . This is due to my marriage is on edge . We fight most of the time , and if we not fighting we just don't talk to each other.
He puts me down a lot and refers to me as my mothers mini etc , I don't feel happy at home or wanted . He seems to have a better relationship/bond with my sister that we look after full time .
I have seen my doctor and her personal opinion is that I leave as she believes he is a major trigger for my depression and my relapse into that dark place again .

I am in between 2 places at the moment but I have no idea what I am doing and if leaving my husband that I have been with 16yrs this yr and married to for 8.5 of that is the right time .

I am so tired and exhausted , I haven't slept properly in weeks .

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In response to: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

Unknown userMember10 Aug 2016, 10:10 am AEST

Re: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

Take your sister & exit stage left.
You're both young enough for 2nd chance at love & family, if that's what you want.
Talk to a psychologist as to why you stay with a man who treats you like this??
I was with a man that much older than me too - it was a different generation (culture gap), a power game, master manipulator, emotional & psychological abuse. He never changed, though promised, why should he when its worked for so long? Worst of all - I LET HIM keep hurting me for decades, changing who I am, and eventually he hurt my children - that's what gave me strength to go (not that family court saw it that way). If you don't work through why you let him do this to you, you'll be attracted to similar men anyway.
Step up for you.
Sorry if I'm blunt, this topic too close to the bone & angers me.
I don't like to advercate divorce, maybe get some marriage counselling, but honestly - he's not being a husband to you.
Protect your sister, Just leave & don't look back.

In response to: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

SaharaSenior Contributor10 Aug 2016, 11:40 am AEST

Re: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

Hi @Tufflife,

Honestly, if your sister wants to stay with this man, for whatever reason, then she has the legal right to do so at 16 years of age. I would not try to force the issue with her. Perhaps be prepared tot let her go, but tell her your door is always open if she would like to stay with you. Keep the channels of communication open with your sister and try not to judge her.

Focus on yourself. That's great that you have a friend who will let you stay at her/his house and even better that you have met a new friend who seems to care about you and asks you how you are doing. That is truly wonderful! You are not alone and have all the resources that you need to leave for the time being and have some time to yourself.

Maybe keep your new friend as a platonic friend only for now if that suits you. You are entitled to be by yourself while you decide your future. Romance can wait.

In response to: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

TufflifeSenior Contributor10 Aug 2016, 1:09 pm AEST

Re: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

Yer I have given her the choice on what she wants to do , she knows I will alway be there for her and if she ever needs anything .
I am keep my friend as platonic as I am not looking or interested me anything more just yet .
I am just so confused and mentally and emotionally drained , I have to wait a couple more weeks before I can see a psychologist as my mental health plan is not due till almost the end of month .

In response to: Re: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

SaharaSenior Contributor11 Aug 2016, 7:36 am AEST

Re: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

Hi @Tufflife,

Can you stay with your friend for the next two weeks while you wait to see the psychologist and not go back home during that time? It sounds like you are staying there most of the time, anyway.

It's up to you how much you tell your husband, but at this point it's best to be careful and maybe not say anything about your new friend that you might possibly be interested in.

You may want to tell your husband that you need time out for 2 weeks initially and then talk to the psychologist before you tell your husband that you are separating from him. (If that is indeed what you want to do.)

A separation does not have to be permanent. It might be a time in which you attend marriage guidance counselling together, if your husband is willing.

I remember asking my former partner to go to couple's counselling with me, but he refused. He seemed angry that I had even asked. After that, I sort of gave up on him and spent more and more time with my friends or my parents or practically anywhere else! Then I think he realised that there must have been a problem, and so he relented and said that we should see a counsellor together. But by that time I think I was soooo ready to leave that I did not think counselling would help. Anyway, spending all that time in other's company made me see what a drain he was on my energy and how I was better off without him.

The same thing may happen to you too, @Tufflife.

Being separated is also a good chance to read up on divorce law and how it will effect you. This might sound a but negative at this point, but remember that knowledge is power and the better prepared you are for this, the more likely you will have a good outcome.

In response to: Re: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

AppleblossomSenior Contributor18 Aug 2016, 2:35 am AEST

Re: Dunno what to do , is leaving my marriage the right decision

I hope you are coping @Tufflife

I hope your sister is doing alright.

It takes a lot of internal strength to make the decisions that are before you .. get all the davice from as many different places as you can.

I think your partner just likes young women ... but is not actually able to relate to a real full blooded woman of his own age ... there are a lot of guys like that.

Take care Apple

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