Need to vent

hi everyone @BPDSurvivor @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Snowie @tyme @hanami @FloatingFeather @MDT @Eve7 and others i have missed

Well Christmas Day was beautiful. Lots of yummy food and amazing presents. We all got spoilt.

Hubby and I received a flight centre voucher from our daughter, two beach chairs from our son, perfume, i got two massage vouchers (which i can't wait to use), air fryer, clothes. It was a really nice day.

But to top it off even further - my beautiful D and her partner got engaged yesterday. She surprised me with the ring. so so beautiful

I am so happy for her and she deserves someone caring and loving. They are a great team with 3 girls between them.

So the bad part is now .......

I decided to share the good news with my parents. Big mistake!!

I said to mum that we received good news yesterday and our D and her partner got engaged. No comment, just ok. I then said to her that they would like to come down one day. Her response - no dad is not well, i said they are not coming this week, just sometime in the next few weeks. Her reply - i will have to let you know.

A few minutes later she calls back and says 'dad said he is not well and doesn't want visitors' ok and then hangs up.

i was so so angry, hurt and upset that i picked up the phone to ask if i was still allowed to go over but as soon as i opened my mouth to ask her - she hung up on me.

that is it - i am so over her, i hate her for how she is treating me. i hate her for not being a nice mother to me. never a nice comment comes out of her mouth. and she always uses dad as an excuse.

i am not going to call anymore, that's it. i am not seeing them anymore either.

i can't believe a mother would say and do these horrible things to me. i have done nothing wrong but in her eyes i have (even though i have no idea) and i am to pay for it for the rest of my life.

it hurts you know, i see lots of families with the parents around, surrounding them with love from the children and grandchildren. yet mine stay away and i don't understand.

right now i am feeling angry, overwhelmed, sad, emotional but really angry inside.

i think i need a good cry.

Gee @BlueBay I am so so sorry. After such a beautiful day and wonderful news from your D and partner. I cannot even imagine how much your so-called mother's reaction has hurt you. I wish there was something I could say or do that would take away some of that hurt, and those deep seated feelings of rejection. But there really isnt.

Its really up to you now to focus on all the good things in your life right now. And there are many. You listed a few in your post just now. I know you cannot just forget about your Mum, and even harder to do with your Dad, but please try. These bad feelings are eating you up. They are preventing you from enjoying all those good things happening in your life right now.

Can I give you a big squeezy hug, maybe have a good cry? I could use one myself. Then get back out there and concentrate on enjoying all the good in your life. Stop trying with your Mum, and let her come to you. What will be will be.

Emelia

thank you my friend @Emelia8

i am crying now

i just spoke to my sister and she can't believe it

and now i know my mum will call her and ask her 'when did she find out about my D" because she will very angry if she knows my sister knew yesterday before my mum

i need to move forward, i need to stop reaching out. i can't reach anymore, i am tired of reaching out and getting a big slap on my face. a deep cut in my heart. the hurt the anger.

and if my poor dad wants to stay this way - well it is what it is and i can't do anymore.

i am staying away from them now; she hung up on me. i did nothing wrong. she is the wrong. but she won't see that, all she sees is that i am in the wrong.

i am looking forward to my D getting married one day and having another baby. They would like one together.

rejection and abandonment is so damn hard

thanks for the hugs, senidng one back to you too.

i am okay, just shocked but sort of expecting her reaction

a person i call my mum is not really behaving like a mum

thanks lovely i always appreciate your support xxxxx

hugs xxxxoooo

@BlueBay I'm sorry you had to go through that hon.

It must be really hard for you to go through that. Please remember we are here for you 💕💕

thanks @MDT @Snowie

just thinking about stuff - family, parents, siblings

i emailed my psych yesterday and told her about my mum. She msg and has made an appt for me to see her tomorrow. I need to talk to someone else apart from family about my mum.

i don't know what else to say - just that i am angry, sad, feel rejected etc

@Emelia8 @Shaz51 @oceangirl @BPDSurvivor @Eve7 @tyme @FloatingFeather @hanami and others following

Sending you lots of understanding hugs my sister @BlueBay

Rejection in a big and real thing , I was rejected by my dad all my life xxx

@BPDSurvivor , @Snowie , @Emelia8 , @MDT

Hi @BlueBay

I hope seeing your psych today helps

Much love 💕💕

I’m sorry sis @Shaz51 @you we’re treated like this by your dad. I understand the rejection and abandonment would have been so difficult.
can I ask you ? You don’t need to answer.
How do you move forward, how do you keep going.

i saw my GP this morning and he told me he’s worried for me that I will get sick from all the crap my mum is putting me through and how strong it affects me. He can’t believe how terrible my mum is. He said I need to do more things for myself.

then I saw my psych and she was horrified about my mum. I cried and told her I’m angry. I want to send her a letter and write everything in there. I want her to know how her behaviour affects me.
but my psych said my mum won’t t listen. It’s her way of control. It’s her way of punishing me. And I get hurt each time , take it personal and get worse for a week before I pick up again.
she wants me to do more things for me eg gym or yoga.

@Shaz51 i feel stuck. I don’t know how to move forward without thinking if my parents. I miss seeing my dad but I’m not giving jn ti her. She is making it so hard.

i wNted to write a letter snd post but I know what she’ll do. Post it back and then that feels even more rejection and invalidation.

@Snowie @MDT @Emelia8 @BPDSurvivor it’s so hard. I do take thi gs personally. I’m a big softie and caring which prob is my downfall.
i wish for things to change and be different but they won’t because she won’t change now.

it’s a tough situation. One I’m not sure how to get through.

@BlueBay

I am glad you were able to see your gp and psych today. It always helps when we can talk to someone in person.

Unfortunately you cannot change your mum or her actions. By the sound of it she will not change regardless of what you do. I can understand this. It doesn't matter what I say to my mum, she will not change how she speaks to me.

I don't think being caring and a softie is a downfall hon. It makes you such a caring and loving person. Just look at the family you do have around you and look how much they love you.