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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay

I hope today has been a little better for you hon

Sending lots of strength and love your way 💜💜

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay

I hear you

What happen with your psych and med change and possible hospital admission?

Glad you went for a walk with Jersey and hubby

I see you so much potential with you, keep going my beautiful sister

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hi @oceangirl

meds are not changing now until early next year. because of all the stress at the moment with packing and moving.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

just want to SCREAM

just want to cry

i am exhausted; so tired, waking up exhausted and yawning constantly all day

i am going to have a sleep study done at home in two weeks time unless i can get in earlier

my mood is very low

my head is telling me to stop my meds; and to s/h

my head is telling me to disappear

i need my head to stop telling me to do things

i just want to sleep

today i found my old journals that i wrote in 10 yrs ago reg. my childhood abuse. i started to read them and the tears rolled

i then shredded them - they're now gone

@oceangirl @Snowie @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @BPDSurvivor @Eve7 and others i have forgotten

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

heya @BlueBay, sounds like finding the journals has brought up a lot of big feelings. I think that it totally understandable. I'm so sorry for what happened to you, it's not fair ❤️

It sounds like the mind if telling you to do a lot of things. How have you stood up to those thoughts before?

Is there anyone you would like to call over the phone?

I know for me, sometimes reminders of my past come up and trigger big feelings. It can be really difficult to cope with them. I sometimes find it good to distract myself with a movie or a walk. I'm not sure if something like that could be useful tonight?

And here are some phone numbers if you want to call a crisis line

  • Lifeline 13 11 14

  • Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659467

  • beyondblue Support Service 1300 22 46 36

Big hugs ❤️

TuxedoCat

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

i need to be alone right now, i am sorry

@Former-Member

although i feel very scared and emotional right now

i might try to chat online

but now is not a good time

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Take care @BlueBay ❤️

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Ohh hugs my sister @BlueBay ❤❤❤

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Here with you @BlueBay 💗

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

good morning @Former-Member @Snowie @Shaz51 @oceangirl @Emelia8 and others

i didn't contact chatline last night. i ended up falling asleep on the couch and went to bed at 9pm.

i think throwing my old journals in the shredder have started something in my head. because last night i had a horrible dream of my mum hurting me physically really bad. (Can't write on here)

i found another journal this morning and opened it up and saw a letter i wrote to my dad (tears) and then i saw a letter i wrote to my mum (anger). i sat on the bed and cried for a little while. i ended up having a shower and now i think i will do some craft just to keep me busy.

i have a phsyio appt at lunchtime for my hip pain. it is a horrible day here, rain and wind. no walking today. inside day, maybe another coffee now and try to relax (easier said than done).

i am donating a lot of books to the salvos as i don't need them anymore. they weren't expensive books and i love donating to others who are less fortunate.

you know one word that has stuck with me from reading my journal is my mum telling me over the phone a few years ago that 'i have betrayed the family'. betrayed??? how did i betray the family - by being sexually abused as a child. was it my fault? who have i betrayed? her? my family? by disclosing to her that i was abused?? hearing that made me feel like i am the BAD one, i have done something WRONG; and it's my FAULT.

Can anyone explain betrayal to me. i can't get my head around this.

hope you all have a nice day xxxxx

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