Need to vent

I'm really glad the walk this morning was nice @BlueBay ❤️ It sounds like it was beautiful to see and also nice to have people say hello? And maybe another walk with hubby would be nice too! It sounds like a wonderful idea

And it sounds like you made a good decision for your mental health to call the CAT team. Especially after recognising that you were having a rough day. Did they say anything else for you?

To be honest, I feel pretty similarly at the moment with big groups or strangers. I'm wondering if there are any social threads you could try today to feel less lonely? I set up one called Sept long weekend hang out space ‌🏖 where some people can go and intro themselves or meet other forum members.

And with being in bed, for years and years when I did that it felt like I was failing and missing out on things. But I wonder if thinking about it a different way might ease some of the negative feelings around it? I think when I tell myself I "should" do something else, I feel a lot of guilt and shame. Like the picture below.

So I've changed how I think about it. For example, when I have a bed-day, I think of it as a rest day because the outside world is too overwhelming. Sounds like for you bed is a safe and comfortable place? Plus you went for a beautiful walk this morning!

What do you think?

Hey @Former-Member

I can relate to that picture you posted.
i feel guilty when I rest that I should be doing other things.

hubby and I went down the beach snd had an crying cream. It is crazy out there. Living in a tourist spot sure brings in the people.

i feel very lazy. I feel that I’m obsessed and consumed with my issues that even though I feel alone I don’t want to talk to others socially. I don’t want to sound rude it’s just that I’m so consumed with myself which is bad. Maybe I will have a look at social chats.

no the CATT team just talked and asked how I was, my mood and sleep. They are very happy for me to call tomorrow if needed.

im so hard on myself. It’s like I don’t deserve others to be nice to me or I deserve any happiness. I don't know where this is coming from.

@BlueBay I hear you ❤️ It must feel bad and lonely when it feels like nothing will change. I've been in a similar place and it was really isolating for me. It took a long time for me to learn how to try new ideas or things outside of my comfort zone. Not sure if you relate to that?

This might sounds silly, but sometimes I just pretended to be someone else for a few hours while I tried something new. Or instead of forcing myself to be kinder to myself, I pretended I was saying nice things to a friend. It really helped me out of times when self-compassion was just felt sooo difficult

side note @BlueBay: We all deserve to receive kindness and care and love. No matter what we've done or how we feel.

I just wanted to say that ❤️

hey @Former-Member i am very much an introvert who would rather stay home than go out. it's just easier to say no to friends for coffee or lunch and stay in bed, hibernate myself and cocoon myself in my bed. i don't even want to check the letterbox anymore for fear of seeing my neighbours.

i would rather take an extra med and sleep than join a group. i could never do group stuff except the hospital therapy i used to do. that's finished now so i am upset because there will now be another day just like the rest of the week.

i don't know how to be kind to myself. i don't love myself so find it extremely difficult to be nice to me. i punish myself on a daily basis.

gee i didn't realise how angry i am right now, just writing this. it's like i want to hurt myself because i feel i deserve it. i deserve all the bad things to happen.

gee i think coming off my anti dep is really hard

My dear @BlueBay - You've spent so many years caring for others, loving them, caring for them, putting them first. It's now your turn.

You've had your time caring for others. It's time to care for you now.

Hugs, tyme

You know I starting thinking @tyme

I had my mother in law l live with us for 20 yrs.
I was married for 10 years pregnant and had two children (4,3). My FIL had a massive heart attack at home and passed. This happened in a Friday night. We had funeral following Tuesday and gave birth two days later.

i was in hospital for 3 days. Then mother in law moved in. And never left.

So with a newborn and two other kids it was a nightmare. My emotions were everywhere. We then moved house two months later. At times I resented MIL living with us. She never interfered but made us feel guilty for not taking her with us on our family holidays.
the arguments, the annoying things.
I’m sorry I’m really ranting.

im sorry I don’t know why I’m like this.

TW: sexual abuse

I’ve been triggered lately as to why all these bad things happen. Am I some sort of stupid person who didn’t know how to say no.

i have to go away. I can’t cope tonight. These memories are with me every single day. And I don’t understand why all this

omg I must be so naive.
@Former-Member

I'm listening @BlueBay . I hear you.

Ohh hugs my sister @BlueBay ❤❤❤

Sitting with you xx

Why

why me

did I have something written on my forehead - abuse me

WTF is wrong

I’m wanting to run away

I’m going to take a med to help me sleep

I’m going

I don’t want these memories

@tyme