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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@FloatingFeather @hanami

At drs now waiting

I don’t know if I can tell him

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@FloatingFeather @hanami

saw my GP and told him that i have strong urges to self harm. he asked me what is stopping me from doing it - i couldn't answer.

he said he is not worried about my physical health as i have meds at the moment to control the fast heart rate and inflammation. he told me he is worried about my mental health and the decline i go through every now and then. he said that my mum has played a big part in contributing to my stressors. and that i need to look at all the good things in my life eg. my kids, and little A and how much happiness she gives me.

he said staying in bed most days during the day isn't good for my mental health and i then ruminate and think of every negative thing in my life.

he wants me to continue doing craft things and seeing friends especially when invited. i told him i cancelled my lunch appt with a friend last week and he said no i need to do things like that to help me feel better about myself.

it's all too hard; my mum is paying for this big time. i want to yell at her, i want to scream, hit punch and whatever else i want to do. i want her to feel the pain i am in and see how it feels to not receive phone calls or a care in the world.

i am triggered every day by some things and i want it all to go away. i can't calm down even though i try at times. i am in a state of panic all the time and it is exhausting.

life is not fair, life is extremely difficult and i don't know how much longer i can keep going.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I WANT TO SCREAM

HIT

PUNCH

but I can’t

it’s all inside of me

In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay Sorry to hear you feel like this. Have you been to the Dr? I'm going this afternoon too. I'm just going to have a nap before my appointment. What day program do you do?

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I'm really sorry to read how you are feeling @BlueBay - I know there's nothing I can say that will probably help or change how you feel but please know I feel for you and really do hope these feelings will pass for you soon.

It's really good that you told the doctor how you are feeling - sounds like he had some good advice. I also understand somethings (like having lunch with a friend) are easier said then done when you feel like you do.

Big hugs,

FloatingFeather

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

just so you all know i have cntacted my local crisis support number at local hospital. i needed to speak to someone and the lady i spoke to listened and understood my pain (reg. my mum)and i told her about my urges of sh and suicidal thoughts. she said she was glad i haven't gone further with these plans.

she is going to keep my file open for a week, in case i contact them again they all know what it is about.

i have just made another short appt with my dr for next monday just to touch base with him and let him know where i am at.

tomorrow i have group at hospital which will be good. let's hope it's not too triggering

i know my rational mind is ok with things, it understands that my mum will never ever change. it's my emotional mind that takes over and i feel so overwhelmed with anger, fear, sadness, rejection and abandonment.

some days

@FloatingFeather @oceangirl @hanami @Paperdaisy @Shaz51 @Emelia8

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thank you for the update @BlueBay - we really appreciate you letting us know how you are getting on.

It's great that you have contacted your local hospital and that they are going to keep their file on you open for the week just in case you need to reach out again. It's also great that you have an appointment with your doctor and you are going to group.

As for the rational mind versus the emotional mind - I think that's one most of us can relate to at one time or another. I know I have definitely struggled with this in the past and no doubt will again in the future.

Sending you hugs and positive wishes,

FloatingFeather

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Feeling very sad tonight

can’t say too much

but …something serious has happened to someone I know

could and probably will face jail

I’m in shock

I’m sad for the family

I just wishes these negative thoughts I’m having would stop

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hey @BlueBay, nice to see you on here.

So sorry to hear you've been struggling with some negative thoughts, and now trying to process a shocking event someone you know is facing. It would make anyone feel unsettled.

How are you looking after yourself tonight? There's a lot of feelings. I hope you are being kind and letting yourself have your feelings.

Here with you,

Sphinxly

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hi @Former-Member


My thoughts, my mind is wanting to go

away

i can’t think

My mind is bad with negative stuff

so much exhaustion

too tired

too depressed

what is wrong with me

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