Need to vent

It’s so painful for me to accept my mum for how she is @FloatingFeather

How did you do it?

Just got a phone call from my psych. She is going to see me on Monday at 8am. I told her in an email that I want to be in hospital and told her about my mum.
Now I have to get through the next few days.

I understand totally @BlueBay. I guess at the end of the day we all come from different lived experiences and the way I learned to accept my mum may or may not make sense / work for you.

Firstly it took me many years to realise that the relationship with my mum wasn't want it should be. When I was young (like most kids) it's all I knew so I thought it was how it was with every mother/daughter. Over the years I realised our relationship wasn't what most people would consider a healthy relationship and it could be very emotionally abusive. I stopped expecting my mum to be someone I thought she should be and accepted her for who she is. I started to talk to other family members about my mum's childhood and got a better understanding into why she may behave the way she does. Not that that excuses bad behaviour, it just helped me understand her a bit more.

Long story short a few years ago I stopped talking to my mum for six months straight. It wasn't easy but I needed her to understand my boundaries and that I wouldn't tolerate her bad behaviour anymore. I know this may not be doable / right for anyone else - it's just what i needed to do in my situation. We still have times when she tries to cross my boundaries but I am a lot firmer now and she is a lot more aware that I wont back down anymore.

I'm glad you have an early appointment on Monday. I think it's really good that you told your pysch about your mum. I understand how much a relationship with your mum can impact your daily life.

Do you have something planned for the weekend that can help keep your mind off things / is there is something nice you can do to help you have something positive to focus on?

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather

thank you for sharing your story @FloatingFeather

i think mother/daughter relationship can be either a beautiful and close one (like i have with my dasughter) or a toxic one (like i have with my mum).

and for me it is really difficult because my dad is in the middle. i can't contact him, he has no mobile phone, he never answers the phone and doesn't drive anymore. i feel and am very sure that she controls him too. She told my sister who is visiting her tomorrow (yeah she was allowed!!) to NOT bring any biscuits or cake for dad as it's too much sugar.

I used to bring some special biscuits for him because it reminds him of his homeland and it made me very happy. but now she has put a ban on that - it is so bad that he can't even eat something he enjoyed in his last years. he is 85 and who knows how long he has to live; but she is putting him in a grave much earlier. i feel so sorry for my dad but am stuck.j

she nominates the time and day that either myself or my sister can visit. i bet she doesn't do that to my brother and younger sister. because they are favourite 'golden children' oldest and youngest.

on the weekend we are going to look at a few homes and then i think we may go to the cinema to watch Elvis movie. something we haven't done for years.

Hi @BlueBay,

I can hear the impact of such a complex and hurtful situation. I can understand the ache of wanting certain things to be better, but realising there's only so much you can have control over. Thank you for sharing some of your family experiences; I hear you.

If reflecting on these experiences brings up a lot of feelings for yourself or anyone else reading along, as well as support available here on the forums, and at specialised services like 1800 RESPECT and Blue Knot.

Take care 💗 And I hope you enjoy the cinema!

@Former-Member i hope i haven't upset anyone by writing what i did.

thanks for your support

Hi @BlueBay, to clarify- I wasn't meaning that writing about your experiences could be inherently likely to upset others- rather that it could prompt people to think of their own memories, experiences, etc. if they've experienced similar things, which could be upsetting. Just hypothetical, and I linked to support available in case 🙂

I think it's very important that we have supportive spaces where we can talk about and reflect on these things, so I'd like to to address any possible doubt - you haven't done anything wrong 💜 Talking about our experiences is what the forums are for!

thank you @Former-Member this is the only space where i can be me. i can be honest and open with my issues.

@BlueBay here and listening hon

Glad you feel able to open up in this space 💕💕

Hi @Former-Member @FloatingFeather @Snowie @tyme @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Emelia8 and others

Im angry

sad

depressed

have myself and body

Had a hard session with my psychiatrist. Cried cried got angry cried again

wanted to self harm

Got angry again

And cried

Saw my cardiologist this afternoon. Have to go back on cortisone and another med for lowering the heart rate. see him again in 6 weeks.

seeing my dr tomorrow.

and hubby is frustrating me

so angry

I think sh sounds good

I need to get rid of my anger

Sh is no good my sister @BlueBay xxxx

Go to the beach and yell as much as you can sounds good

Why is hubby frustrating ?? Says he said anything

Sitting with you my sister