Need to vent

I hear you @BlueBay. It sounds tough, and I've certainly been in situations where I've been anxious to go in somewhere- what's helped me is reminding myself why I'm doing it and just taking it one step at a time. Something else that's really helped is to give myself somthing of a reward or thing to look forward to at the end. Sometimes, it's as small as watching an episode of a TV show I enjoy, or as big as an outing with a friend- the idea is to have a 'once I've done/ gotten through this, I get to do x'. I hope something there might be useful and wishing you strength and good vibes to get through 💙💙

Hugs my sister @BlueBay , sitting with you ❤❤

@Shaz51 @Emelia8 @MDT @Owlunar @Maggie

@Bow @Former-Member @Powderfinger @saltandpepper

and others reading along:-

So this is what happened this morning that has got me in a very angry, hurtful feelings

Yesterday my niece sent my daughter a msg to see if we wanted to go to her house so little A could see her second cousins and have a play. We said yes and I thought it would be nice if i ask my mum if she wanted to come too. it's on our way so we could pick my mum up. I called and asked her and her response was 'no i am not coming, it's important for you to go; have a nice day" - that was it. i thought ok.

this morning at 6.30am she calls me and no hello just "who organised for this get together tomorrow"? I replied my niece with my D. Well it was on again - (mum) "well you need to stop interferring, you have been to your niece's house many times without telling me; i am not going anywhere, you need to stop!!! The anger in her voice. I said to her i have only been once to my nieces' house (for her 30th birthday 2 yrs ago). I said to her 'why are you so angry, can't you just say no i won't come". She went on and on - i told her "mum you are f...ked" and i hung up.

It then set in that i won't see my dad again. here we go again. i was so angry that i grabbed the phone again and called her. i wanted it out with her. She picked up the phone and as i said hello she hung up. i called again and she took the phone off the hook.

I was then so hurt, and upset that i started to cry. Poor little A was asking me what's wrong and I told her that big nonna is not nice to me.

I have done nothing wrong. If I, as a daughter can't go to see my sister because my mum will cause issues; then there is something wrong with her. She is jealous of our closeness.

i am not calling her anymore. If anything she needs to call me and apoligise for verbally abusing me on the phone over something so stupid - me visitng my niece.

As a mum, wouldn't she be happy and come along to see her daughter, granddaughter and her two other great grandchildren. Oh no, she has done it now.

I don't know what else to do. if i didn't tell her that i was going and she found out she would get angry with me for not telling her; when i did tell her i copped it horribly from her.

i just can't win either way. I am angry at my dad for not standing up to her. But i am positive that she called this morning when she had a small window of opportunity as my dad would have gone for a short walk. she never ever rings me at 6.30am. that's too early.

I don't understand how a mother can be like that.

i don't understand her anymore. i am too upset and hurt because now i know that i will miss my dad again and i won't see him. and that truly cuts deep. that hurts a lot.

And for my doctor to say to me when i called him tyhis morning - you need to not think of not seeing your dad, you need to stay positive. i told him - 'you have no idea how it cuts; it just cuts you up so so much". My doctor has no idea.

I'm now left very hurt; angry; verbally attacked, shocked, rejected by not seeing my dad yet again.

@BlueBay I’m really sorry your mum is the way she is. I’m sorry she continues to hurt you. I understand how hurtful it all is, yet again.

I don’t know what else to say, other than I’m sending some support and 💙💙💙

Take care where you can.

thanks @Maggie

xxoo

Aw - not again @BlueBay

Your mother is the living end - I wonder how she thinks all this up

For your sake - and I know how you hurt - you have to let your mother go and live your life and share your relations with each other and let the little cousins know each other - make peace with the day - please - and enjoy yourself

You deserve this - contacting your mother only fuels her fire and games and I do know about your father - but he makes his choices as you do - as your mother does - as we all do actually

I'm sorry this happened - and I know - you can't be nice to your Mum - and it's her loss

I hope your visit did go well today -

Sending warm thoughts

Dec

Awww my sister xoxo @BlueBay

You have done nothing wrong

You are a loving caring daughter who thought it would be lovely to invite your mum

The fault is all with your mum , you try Sooo hard all the time my sister and she just keeps hurting you

How was your visit xxxx

@Shaz51 I'm seeing my sister niece and kids tomorrow. We're staying for lunch.
I'm looking forward to seeing the little kids. And I can't wait for littke A to play with the kids. Last time they saw each other A was 1.

I know I thought I was doing the right thing by asking. But obviously not. and now I'm m going to pay for it because not able to see my dad. But a part of me is teally angry with him.

I really hate my mum.

Anyway I'm going to have a good day tomorrow. I'm also getting my blood pressure 24 hr monitor put on in the morning.
@Owlunar I'm hurting. I'm damn angry. I know I have my sisters support.
@Owlunar how do I get through this shit.
@Maggie @Emelia8 thanks for your support.

@BlueBay

Thank you for tagging me. Usually I'm the one to be such a string line of support for everyone. I still am that person, but I'm changing the way I offer support now. Reading what has happened, gosh I could so completely understand unfortunately.

I had the exact same problem for so many many years and it ended up horribly for me. The only difference is that I didn't have support from either of them. It took me a while to understand I did not matter to either of them. It's still raw and fresh. I've only realised in the last year.

My younger sister was insanely jealous of me. She had never any reason to be. I wasn't really much loved by mother. I was never a favourite nor treated well. I was abused. I could never understand why. I was a loving and caring sister. I loved my sister to bits. I was never allowed to tell my sister that I saw my mother or spent time with her. My mother would say to me it would come back on her. Eventually I ran out of any fight after many years.

My mother was no better. I was always the meat in the sandwich. My sister and mother gave me the meat in the sandwich role. My mother once even asked me to sit in on a counselling session between her and my sister. Not because I was included but just to be the meat in the sandwich. My mother didn't even realise how stark raving mad that the suggestion was outrageous. I said no and I'm pretty sure any good counsellor would have seen right off the bat that something was wrong.

When they weren't on talking terms with one another, guess who was the message deliverer, therapist, meat in the sandwich, and eventually turned against. Once all was sorted, I was no longer required. I did this for over 20 years and never once realised that doing this for either of them meant I was finally going to get the love care and appreciation I finally deserved. The facts are it was never going to happen. I could never figure out what I was doing wrong. It took me a long time to realise and come to accept that both of them are incredibly messed up individuals. There has been nothing that has ever been easy for me.

On December 1st 2019, I cut all ties with my mother. I never cut ties with my sister. I knew though that she would follow my mother and that is what happened. I still had a battle to hold onto my only niece. I tried so damn hard. They used her as a weapon and really did a great injustice by robbing her of a wonderful aunt in her life. The aunt I never had. The niece that I absolutely adored and wanted to have in my life. I knew that I didn't stand a chance. Three losses in one hit. It crippled me. I'm still crippled by it. There's just losses you can't heal from.

To this day, I do not have ties with any of them. I would open to my niece should she get in touch but my door and my heart is completely closed to my sister and mother. I also faced the loss of my father 11 years ago. He is still alive. He just made it clear for the final time I'm not wanted. So I said goodbye for my final time. I will never bury either of my parents nor be at their funerals. They both are aware of this. I had to make a difficult choice last year to withdraw all legal responsibility that my mother had given me upon her passing. The only reason it had been given to me was in her view, I would have been the only one to get things done right. Not because I was loved. Painful choice, not a lot of joy. Shrugs, just lost any care or interest.

So, yes I know your pain, hurt and anger. I'll never make a full recovery. I hope that by sharing my story it helps you one day have clarity on what is best and right for you.

Blood family is NOT always family. I choose who is now. It will never heal my pain. However the quality of my life will be better. I take no responsibility for their choices in life because I didn't play any part in their abuse, their choices or decisions. I was a great daughter, sister and aunt. All of them just saw me as trash to be used, abused and spat out. I wish I could say that's all they all chose to do to me. It is not. In regards to you sharing this though. I understand.

Powderfinger

Oh @Powderfinger

reading your story brought tears to my eyes. The horrible way you were treated. I have no words. I'm really sorry.
I do understand the psin the hurt. I do get that.
thsnk you for sharing your story with me.
I aporeciate how open you are.
Sending you big hugs 🤗❤️Xxoo

i need time to process what happened agsin to me.
I feel so unloved 😢