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Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hi @hanami

My mum is 83 and she’ll never change. very set in her ways.
i get very angry snd sad because I don’t have a mum I so wished for.

i saw my doctor this afternoon. And I broke down telling him I need help. Not coping. Dissociating crying and telling him I just want to end it all. He kept reassuring me that my family love me and mean a lot to me. And of course little A as well.
i told him that I want to sh as a way of hurting my mum. Again he made me realise that would not hurt my mum but hurt me more.

i couldn’t even look at him. He said hospital is not good. so there’s no point in going.
he is seeing me again on Friday for a long consultation.

He asked if my family or friends knew about how bad I am atm. I told him that m carrying this alone because I don’t want to burden them.

he said I really need to talk to hubby and kids. Even my daughter.

so I got home in a crying mess. Hubby asked how I went. I told him that we have no money for our rego.
my younger son who was there heard and saw me crying. He said he’ll lend us money and we can give it back once we sell our home.

i broke down and just cried. Telling my son we’ve been asking for money for a while and I hate it. Hubby didn’t say one word. Which makes me angry. I feel so alone in dealing with my mental illness.

i chatted to lifeline e before. They didn’t help that much.

ruminating snd suicidal thoughts every day. It’s tiring. It draining and scary.

@Shaz51 @Eve7 @grayhorn @FloatingFeather @tyme @Emelia8 and others following

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @tyme

How do I stop ruminating and stop thinking about suicide??
every day most of the day - that’s all I think.

i just want to stop it all

stress of finances and house is playing a huge part of wanting to give up because I stress too much. So much anxiety too

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Awwww @BlueBay ,

Im sorry today wasn’t very pleasant. Did Little A sleep over last night?

For bills etc, I believe you can pay monthly rego now. Would that be an option for you? Also, have you looked at getting the Victorian Compare Power Saving bonus? That’ll give you another $250. It opened a few days ago, so even if you’ve applied in the past, you can apply again this financial year. You just need a digital PDF version of an energy bill. Here’s the website:

https://compare.energy.vic.gov.au/

Hugs, tyme

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay

I can hear that you've had a hard time today - there seems like you've got a lot of stressors taking place all at the same time for you and your family.

I want to acknowledge the strength it takes for you to reach out for support, and you've got such an amazing community here sitting right beside you.

You mention in your post that you're ruminating and have frequent thoughts of suicide lately. I just wanted to let you know that I have reached out to you via email and to check in with you a little further regarding your safety.

You also mention in your post that you're unable to speak with your family about how you're feeling and reaching out to LifeLine hasn't helped in the past. I want to gently suggest that sometimes we don't always gel with the person who takes our call. This doesn't mean that the next time we call that we will have the same experience. In case you happen to change your mind, I'll just leave Lifeline's phone number here: 13 11 14

Please go gently with yourself @BlueBay

Sirius✨

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @Former-Member

thanks for your support. I have replied to your email.

i don’t know where else to talk except here and I thank you for letting me do so.

I think I’ll go to bed and try to sleep if I can without ruminating. It’s so draining.

having these thoughts daily is scary.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I’ll see you tomorrow then @BlueBay . I’m looking forward to a chat tomorrow evening.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I just want to

scream

cry

lash out

punch

kick

attack

scream

cry

what is wrong with me 😢😢

im going crazy (more crazy)

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Haven’t gone to bed yet

can’t settle @tyme

thanks for the hugs

I’ll take it

thank you 🙏

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay , I just thought of a new project you may be interested in this winter - making wheat packs!

I made some last year and they have been great. You can add lavender to some too! My friend made one to put right around my neck and shoulders. It feels like a weighted heat pack. So lovely for tense shoulders. I purchased wheat from the local fruit & vege shop. I think I bought 5kgs? Ended up making about 6 large wheat packs of all shapes and sizes.

Used calico to hold the wheat, then made colourful covers.

Anyway, sleep well for tonight. We can chat tomorrow.

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