Need to vent

Thanks sis @oceangirl

I'm sorry you had a bad experience. It’s not nice when it triggers.
thanks also for your suggestion but I think it’s getting close to not talking to my parents again. She is one person that is jealous, angry, controlling and manipulative. She won’t change now she’s 81.

hugs lovely. Hope you have a nice day. Xxx

Hi @oceangirl @Emelia8 @outlander @tyme @Shaz51 @Owlunar @MDT and others following

another night of horrible dreams. Including my parents but in particular my mum.
im going crazy. She pops in my head during the day and now at night in horrible dreams.

I can’t get a peaceful night sleep.

I’m tired. I’m emotional. Angry. Frustrated.

You are right @BlueBay - it's not right or fair - it's horrible and your mother won't change

Seeing as I have been through all of this I don't understand why you keep trying to talk to her on the phone when she treats you the way she does. I know it's hard to keep away too but for your own sake you need to stop this - and I do understand

Don't think it was easy for me to stay away from my mother - she was old and cranky with everyone and I would not tolerate her snarling at me any longer and told her so. Yet everyday I thought I should go and see her and every night I was glad I hadn't and this went on until she died and I have told you - I saw her regret and it had been her choice in the same way as it is your mother's choice to be a bitch. She was with her own mother apparently - she won't change

I did write to my mother during those last years - often - but never heard a word - my sister read my letters which were just notes in cards telling her I would like to see her if she would see me - so I wonder about my sister's duty of care

And at the end of it all - all these years later - it's definitely not my problem - but I know right now it's yours. Somehow you need to let it go and perhaps you can't do that until she dies - I understand

About your father - God knows your heart - perhaps your father does too - there is nothing you can do and I really get that. You can't see the future though and there no way you can change anything or know what will happen.

It's really tough - I feel for you - for Heaven's sake - for your own sake - give it up. It only causes you pain

And it is not your fault - you told her about your childhood abuse and that was not wrong - her reaction was wrong - and now you are an adult and what you do is your business not hers

Sending big hugs - wow - I do know

Dec

My wise friend @Owlunar

thank you so much for your support and comments. I truly appreciate it.
I do wonder why I do it as well (contact my mum) and then get hurt.

At the moment I’m feeling very dizzy so can’t write too much. I’m laying on my bed. not sure if I should go to hospital. I’m thinking it’s stress related.

I’m sorry and sad for what you went through with your mum. I do understand.

im sorry I can’t write anymore for now. I feel sick. I’ll try later on. Xxxxx

So sorry to hear you aren't feeling well @BlueBay, please do not hesitate to go to the hospital if you are feeling really unwell. Take care of your lovely self 💜

@BlueBay

Its hard when your relationship with your father is blocked. In a way that happened to me too.

Its hard when the images of your mother are so intrusive, coming out of the blue and in your sleep. Protect yourself. Perhaps we both took the more gentle caring personality style to counteract the experiences we had with our mothers. I kept reaching out and hoping, but in the end, I finally got that she was not going to change and we were not going to have a heart to heart connection. It has been better in a way, since she died, as there is no inner drive to try and make it all better, and the intrusive memories and images are reducing in intensity and frequency. I try and release them with love and acceptance, but it is sad that the consequences for most of her offspring have been so bad. I had to let go of any anger, as it hurt my neck more than it hurt her. My mother was very shielded. I see her in her circumstances and know she had a hard life too.

Take Care BB

Apple

ohh hugs @BlueBay ❤️

Hi @Peregrinefalcon @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @Owlunar @oceangirl @Emelia8 @Snowie @MDT @Jynx and others following -

im in hospital. At my local hospital waiting to be transferred to a private hospital where my cardiologist is waiting.

I started off feeling very dizzy which doctor thought it was vertigo. But all of a sudden I got chest pain. I’ve had this pain twice in last few weeks. They did a few tests and it showed a rise in triponan. Have yo wait 6 hours for second blood test to see if that’s changed.
anyway lucky I went. Dr thinks I could have had a slight heart attack or pericarditis from covid.
@Owlunar im pretty sure you went to this hospital for your shoulder.

trying to stay calm. I just had a meltdown. My older son will pay our excess which will cover me for the year. I’m so blessed for my wonderful kids.

Gosh @BlueBay I'm glad you went!!!

Please keep me in the loop sweetheart 💕

Take care x

So good @BlueBay that you had the foresight and good sense to get yourself to hospital. Stay calm now, you are in good hands. Relax.

Emelia