Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay

Your Mum is a real worry-wart, panic-merchant, button-pusher and there is nothing you can do about her - and it's her mess and her loss and I know it hurts

As the years pass she will come to have regrets - but I also know she is stubborn - who would wish regrets onto people - actually the chances are good that she will get there

Being Italian - I have friends whose families come from an "Old Counrty" and have heavy expectations on their kids and to an Anglo-Celtic family it seems weird but my mother was a pain in the rear-end too so I know how it feels - yeah - they are/were both control freaks and there is nothing you can do - nothing I could do - to make any kind of impression -

About hospitals - it's hard going home - I hate to remind you that you tend to fall into a hole when you have been out of your element - just letting you know so you won't be upset when it happens. Things are so totally out of control when we are in hospital. I missed my vegetables. Vegetables are so important in our diet yet they serve a lot of meat. At least I didn't have to live on soup and jelly for days

On the up side - you have been telling your doctor that you are not okay for a long time and these gastro-intestional issues have been painful and insistant and now you have tests that have proven a physical issue - not that it makes you at all grateful I am sure - but now you know it is not psycho-somatic - I surely understand that - and I wish you well with your upcoming colonoscopy

I could tell you not to worry about your mother but I know you will anyway - there's nothing you can do though - and as for your Dad - yeah - I really understand that one - and alas - it's her turf and she is the boss of her little castle - remember your castle is larger with more people who care in it

I'm thinking of you - wishing you the best -

Dec

Hi @Owlunar

take 2. i wrote out a long reply to you and somehow it disappeared. Now i have to remember what i wrote.

I got home and things aren't done like i usually do. hubby is great he will do his best, but it's never to my standard. i don't have high standards, just at least jiff the sinks or sweep the floor. that's not too much to ask for.

anyway, i have had a busy afternoon; i put my hospital clothes in the wash and hung them out to dry. i emptied out my bags and put things away. i walked to end of my street where there is a park for A to play but got home very tired. it was the first time in over 2 weeks that i have walked that long. and it really wasn't that long

hubby put dinner on this morning in a slow cooker, so that was good.

my mum - yes we know what she's like and yes you're right she will never change. but the thing is i still get upset.

so i have decided today that if she doesn't let me go over before christmas then i am not rushing to them after christmas.

yes i am so glad that something is getting done now reg. my abdomen pain. I've got a very caring gastroenterologist.

tomorrow i am seeing my GP and i have to ring work to say i am not coming in for 2 weeks. the most important busiest two weeks and i won't be there. I really don't care because i am taking care of my health. and if hubby doesn't like it - well bad luck.

my gastroenterologist and nurses told me that stress is a factor. So i have thought that once I improve i am going to walk twice a day. and i will contact the rehab gym i went to ages ago and start again.

i am going to do things for me next year.

@Owlunar how is your shoulder? And what are you doing for Christmas?

BB xxxoo

hi @Owlunar @Emelia8 @MDT @Maggie @Shaz51
I saw my doctor this morning

bad news

one other diagnosis missed by the public local hospital

my dictir mentioned it by chance

I had no idea

in shock anger overwhelmed csnt think

can't think to calm down

How can they miss it
I don't trust the medical doctors of hospitals snymire

no trust

im scared

I'm raged

I can't calm down

Rage is huge

I'm so sorry to hear this @BlueBay . I guess, at least its been discovered now. What is your GP suggesting you do about the new diagnosis?

I dont blame you for being angry. But please try not to let your anger consume you. To do so, would mean you are not addressing the issue at hand. Try to look past the previous oversight, and move on to dealing appropriately with the new diagnosis.

Holding you close my friend.

Emelia 💖

Hoping they can help you with your new diagnosis my sister @BlueBay ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Hey @BlueBay , just checking in to see how you're doing. That sounds like a really overwhelming thing to hear, I'm so sorry. I hope you've been able to take some time to self-soothe and have support around you

Hi @Jynx

thanks for asking how I am.
ok so my other diagnosis is a few fibroids in utureus, one 6cm.
I rang the ED where I was twice and put a complaint in with the manager of ED. She said they are taking this very serious as I should have been told. This has been escalated and someone higher will csll me in the next week or so. She knew I was very upset because I was crying snd so damn angry. I still am sngry. How dare a hodpital dictir nit tell me I have fibroids. How come my own GP had to tell me two weeks ago. While in hospital I coukd hsve had this seen too. So now I have to go early next year, pay the excess sgsin and possibly have 6 weeks off work. We can't affird me having all this time off.
I can't think. It is so wrong.

my GP rang me tonight about 7.30pm to see how I was. He knew I was not coping with what he told me. We spoke for a while and I told him I'm overwhelmed. There's too many specialists involved. Gastroenterologist, cardiologist, consultant physician. I can't think.
he told me to not worry. Let's do one thing at a time. He said have the gastroscope snd colonoscopy in January. And then he'll refer me to someone good for the fibroid.

im scared. I'm emotional. I just can't think.
my GP is worried I'll go downhill mentally

@Shaz51 @Emelia8 @Owlunar

Your GP sounds really helpful and supportive @BlueBay and like he said - one step at a time. You will have us supporting you along the way as well.

thank you so much @Jynx xxx

@Shaz51 @Emelia8 @Owlunar @MDT @Faith-and-Hope @Maggie and others following

the anger has subsided this morning. I am so lucky that i have a good GP that i can talk to openly and let him know of my fears.

I still would like to know if the private hospital got a different discharge from the ED or the same as my GP got. Because if they got the same, why didn't the gastroenterologist or the admitting doctor tell me. Did they miss it? How could they? so many questions i would like answered. I am waiting for a phone call this afternoon from my gastroenterologist.

trying to stay very rational and positive - but - it's hard. i worry a lot and stress about things and the future. i know the future hasn't happened. but it's me. i will try to be 'in the moment' if i can.

i am catching up with a close friend for lunch today. She has been really supportive and caring, not like some of my friends. it really makes me realise who my 'friends' are.

i will update later on about phone call this afternoon.

BB xxx