Need to vent

hi sis @Shaz51
I do get a health care card and I get $100 a fortnight from centrelink Thsts it but better than nothing I guess. It's because hubby earns just over the threshold which isn't a real lot.
I really would love to stay home in same area and concentrate on my craft items to sell.

Honestly speaking @BlueBay you were very stressed and unhappy when you were working.

If it means moving a few minutes away from where you are now, it's worth it because you don't need to have a mortgage hanging over you.

There is a real liberty when there's no mortgage.

This is just what I've seen throughout your posts. It's totally not my call. I support you in whatever you do.

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

Hi @BlueBay

About guilt - I have something to say about that - I learned it 35 years ago after my son committed suicide

I felt so guilty - after all - I had told him he had to stay in Juvey and I would not, could not, should not take him home. It wasn't my choice - that's what the magistrate had told him and I was there in court

I saw one of the Chaplains where I went to university at the time and this is what he told me

The more guilt people feel the less they need to feel it. The less people feel guilt the more they should

I can't advise what you might do about your house - you really love it where you are - you have been worried about this for years now - life is full of choices and chances and the interest rates won't remain as low as they are forever and this might be a challenge or not - I can't tell

I look at life as an adventure - we can't change the past and we can't see the future - we only have today

Why not work on your on-line business - your work looks pretty good to me

Dec

Thank you @Owlunar @BPDSurvivor @Shaz51

for your kind words of support.
I do love what I'm doing at the moment - sewing, art painting on canvas and making relaxation salts.
my gorgeous daughter is on Instagram and being a make up artist has lots of followers. So today she used my page to promote it. She asked her followers to have a look at my page. Hoping to get more followers and more sales or orders.

Selling and buying a house is very stressful.

Hi @BlueBay

In offering the following ideas, I am not suggesting that you should take any of them; they are suggestions for consideration.

I believe that you and your husband need to sit down together to consider your options. Prepare a list of different scenarios. And also, importantly, a clear and well-defined budget for each scenario. To do this you may need to ask for information from your bank, a conveyancing (land title transfer) provider, removalist, State Government land transfer office, etc. In this way, you are not "flying blind"; meaning, making decisions without knowing the inputs, implications and even incurred costs of any options, that will allow you to make sound decisions.

Members here on the forum can offer suggestions. However, they will just clog up your thinking if there is no way of assessing their viability or even appropriate application in your particular situation. We have not got, and really cannot have, the full details that you have available to you both or can acquire that relates to your particular circumstances.

With regard to a budget or budgets for each scenario, it may well be an idea to prepare as much as you can and then seek advice from an accountant, who may be able to offer additional information that will assist you in making informed decisions. There could be possible resources or arrangements that you, and indeed, most of us may be unlikely to know, that would help you in making the decisions that you wish to make.

Some of the factors that you may consider are;

• Possibility of you undertaking training at TAFE to better equip you for work if/when you wish to consider that option.

• A training course would allow you to gradually apply and put into practice, some of the material and information supplied by your psych. advisor.

• A business course (TAFE or another provider. I understand that State government offices provide good business start-up courses and information), to enable you to work from home with a properly prepared business plan

  {this may well assist you in feeling that you are contributing in meaningful ways, which I understand is one of the issues about which you are concerned.}

• Austudy availability for training

The costs and work associated with

• preparation and presentation of your present property for subsequent sale

• purchase of another property with all associated costs

• removal of possessions from one property to another

• any additional costs (conveyancing fees, property taxation, etc)

• loss of or reduction in amenities that you enjoy in your present location

• any additional travel costs that will be incurred in travel from your new location to locations that you currently enjoy and with which you may want to stay connected.

These are just a few of the factors, ideas and possibilities that, I believe, you might take into consideration with regard to possible future plans.

You may even find that refinancing your current property, while costing somewhat more, in the long term, would not be very different from selling where you are and moving somewhere else, with a new mortgage or even no mortgage. Here, I am assuming that you do not have a very high residual amount owing on your current mortgage, if moving elsewhere will payout your current mortgage. And the sale and moving house, providing little or no benefit, and possibly reduced benefits and amenities in the other new location. And with interest rates at all time lows, that may be an appealing and viable option.

Hope this helps

Best Wishes

@HenryX

I've done "one of my BPD things again"

I emailed my psych last week but she didn't reply. I told her about my mun and also finally had the courage to tell her about my previous psych having a go at me while in hospital in July. He was horrible to me and questioned me about emailing my new psych. I had emailed her about medication to which she had told me I could. But I never told her about what happened. I didn't think that he would know as he isn't my psych anymore. Now I've told her in my email. Guess now I'll need to explain it in person next week in my session.

yestetday I was angry with "everyone" didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything. Was really in a bad mood. Wanted to stop my meds. Saw a book on Facebook and thought that sounds exactly what I would like yo do to my brother. (Can't wtite here the title of book) my psychologist didn't reply but I'm seeing him this afternoon. Not sure how session will go.

@BPDSurvivor can you relate to this - emailing and waiting for a reply. I was hoping for a reply but never got one. I was angry thinking they both must hate me but today I think ok they are busy people.

I do these rash quick things and much later regret doing them - sending emails. I'm angry at myself.
hope today's session goes ok.

@HenryX @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Eve7 @Snowie @Emelia8 @MDT @oceangirl @Sophia

Hi @BlueBay

You know you do make impulsive decisions and act on them then regret it. This is something I am beglinning to understand because I keep working on why people with BPD do this - why my son did this.

So - if I - with a little medical knowledge - have realised this - then your team certainly has - it will be okay - except maybe the old psych who seems to snap at you about your medication - I get it

And you really do need to take your medication regularly - you know this but you hate it - right. I understand - I have looked into these drugs because pain specialists do use them for neuropathic pain - I understand this to but it's not the kind of pain I have - we are in control of our own lives and I think if you want to take the medication - it needs to be regular - if you don't - then discuss it with your psyche before you stop it

Don't worry about what other people think - it really is none of your business - they don't know how you are on the inside. Hold your head up and acknowledge you sometime choose to act in an inappropriate manner - you have BPD after all - it's not an excuse though - it just happens.

I did post on this thread some months back that there is something about mental illness that I am missing - during the time I took out I did a lot more on-line research. You were 10 weeks premature and your mother didn't attend to you in any way during that time. That is a primal wound. My son was adopted and was alone with other babies for adoption for 2 weeks and of course - that has to be hard for babies

My daughter was in hospital for 4 weeks after birth - I went and fed and bathed her whenever I could - when we brought her home she was starting to coo and smile - when we walked into the house - I was carrying her - she cooed - she was happy to be home

My research has been fruitful - I am understanding more all the time, Don't concern yourself about past decisions - try and think more carefully about making new ones. And of course - a person who never makes a mistake never makes anything. I have learned a lot about myself and my mistakes - I still make them sometimes

One day at a time my friend - and think about your art - that is fantastic

Dec

thanks @MDT @Owlunar for your replies

@Owlunar it must have been so difficult for you to help your son when he was struggling. I can see how difficult it must have been for you .

I saw my psychologist this afternoon, it was a good session. He read my email and we went through it together, which was good. he asked a few questions regarding what i wrote and i explained what i thought about BPD and how i felt about it.

i told him that i struggle having BPD and that i am trying very slowly but surely to get better but each step forward i take i struggle. i told him that people must hate me because of my BPD, my attention seeking behaviour and reckless quick thinking behaviour. He told me he totally understands me and what i am going through as he has seen patients for over 10 years who have BPD. He knows the struggles, the pain, he gets it.

we talked about guilt and why i feel so guilty. i told him it's because i am not working therefore not contributing to the finances; got the sack for the first time in a job. we tried to work out if it was justfied guilt or unjustified guilt. still trying to work on that.

i am to fill out a daily diary and record my mood, and then give it to him so he can see if there is a pattern.

Overall a great sessiion, but there is still a lot of work to be done. but i feel i am with the right psychologist finally.

also my son dropped off the Xmas present to my parents this morning. Do you think I got a csll to say thanks - NO!!!

@HenryX @BPDSurvivor @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @Sophia1 @oceangirl @Anastasia