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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

i think i am past help

why would someone want to help me

i am a nobody

there's just no point anymore

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay ,

It can be really hard to see how important we are and how much we deserve love when things get tough, there's been times when I have questioned my worth as well. It is a really painful space to be in. You are not alone though, and you deserve help and support though this time.

Are you feeling safe at the moment?

Here with you,

from cloudcore

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay

I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I can relate to how you are feeling. I wish I could sit with you down at the beach with you and my other sister. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

How are you my sister @BlueBay ?

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I'll m hopeless @oceangirl

im never going to get a job next year

who will employ me

I hate that guy that sacked me

I wish I could run away and hide from everyone

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay You are not hopeless, far from it. I am sure you will find work. Could you do a course?

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hugs @BlueBay ,

Im sorry you are in such a difficult space. I'm sitting with you. You are not alone.

I know how hurt you still feel about your job, yet look at how far you have come since you stopped working? If you read back to the time you were working, you'll be able to see how unwell you became physically and mentally because of your work. Is it worth it? It may give you a few more dollars to spend, but will that money end up in the medical system because you won't be well enough to enjoy it?

Use this time to recover and be strengthened both physically and mentally. Then keep you ears and eyes open for new opportunities.

In the meanwhile, you are an amazing wife, mother and nonna. What more could you ask?

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thanks everyone @oceangirl @cloudcore @Snowie @MDT @Emelia8 @Shaz51

@BPDSurvivorcan I ask you something ?

I just thought - is my self sabotage and me bashing myself

i think I do this kind of negative talk when I'm stressed depressed snd overwhelmed. So then I think oh well I may as well keep going with the self sabotage. Until it exhausts me.

does this make sense?

I need so much help. You're saying the exact thing my doctor told me today - use the next few months to get better. And actually a friend of mine told me that she thinks I'm better not working. She sees a difference.
Of course I don't see it.
I have no self love. I'm m alone at home.
im sorry to everyone. I think I have calmed down.
I'm still not great but I'm not as bad as earlier.
shst is wrong with me. Why does this happen.
I did chat online and it was helpful.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay Your welcome 🙂. I could sense that you were anxious,overwhelmed,fearful and stressed. I am glad your friend, gave you feedback and that she sees a difference in you. I find going back to basics helps me because it grounds me. Small baby steps forward. You're awesome!!

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Big hug @BlueBay .

When you feel absolutely overwhelmed, it is good to take some time out.

When I was first recovering, and had extremely heightened moments with my psychologist, he would withdraw and pretty much tell me to go, and he'll check back with me later. I was so angry at first because I thought he didn't care. Now looking back, I remember him saying "What i'm doing and saying doesn't seem to be helping, so how about I check in with you later?"

I think this was probably a similar space you were in. Although, don't get me wrong, I wasn't ignoring your tags. I was actually out most of the day and haven't logged on till now.

So what I'm trying to say is that sometimes when you feel heightened or extremely upset, it's good to take some time out. I'm so glad you found the online chat helpful.

I don't call your actions "self sabotage". It is your way of coping and managing the best you can. And I totally acknowledge it can be sooooo exhausting!

Rest up tonight and look forward to hearing from you. Remember, you are not alone. I know only too well the challenges of BPD. I am so proud of you that you have continued to hang on despite such challenges. You are an amazingly strong person.

No wonder Little A looks up to you! xoxoxoxo

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