Need to vent

It's good that you can feel that you are getting there @MDT

Bit by bit and step by step is good enough.

@BlueBay

You sound like you had a lovely walk and enjoying the outdoors. I am sure you will be fine with your vaccine. What are you doing tomorrow?

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@BlueBay wrote:

Hey @MDT are you ok?

Hi @Snowie @Shaz51 @oceangirl @Anastasia and others reading along -

I saw my GP this morning. I told him that I have been knitting, reading and walking. He said I can have a cortisone shot in my right hip; as now my left hip pain has subsided with the shot he gave me last week.

He said i need to not let my emotional mind take over; he knows this is difficult for me but really wants me to keep going. I am going to write out a weekly plan for all my activities eg. walking, knitting etc etc

He also mentioned that my new psych is fantastic, she is keeping him up to date each time I see her. this is so good because never ever before has a psych kept my GP up to date. He said from what she writes to him it is very clear that she really cares about me and wants me to get better.

He also told me to NOT look for work until at least 2-3 months time if not longer. He said if i got a job for the sake of getting a job for money; then i would go and quite likely go downhill again. So he wants me to have this break, do some DBT therapy with my psychologist and even if it's next year that I work, well then he said my self esteem will be better, i will be more confident and it will show when i go for jobs. I totally agree with him and said that i am not ready to go back right now.

Today i achieved -

1. doing a load of washing
2. swept the house
3. 2 short walks before the rain
4. an hour sleep in afternoon (I've been awake since 5am)
5. knitting
6. reading bits more of my book
7. supermarket shopping for bits and pieces with hubby when he came home from work

now dinner is on - chilli con carne. I hope everyone is doing okay as best can be. Wow looking back at my list; i have been busy today!!!

take care my friends xxxxoooo

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@BlueBay Glad you had such a supportive GP and psych. You have been keeping busy my sister. Pleased you got out for your walk today and enjoyed the sunshine.

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@Snowie wrote:

Good morning @BlueBay @MDT @Shaz51 @oceangirl and anyone else aorund.

Wishing you all a good day, hoping it goes well for you.

💜💜💜

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@Snowie Good to see you and thank you for the tag. Hope you are well too.

Good morning @oceangirl @BlueBay @MDT @Anastasia @Shaz51 and anyone else around.

Wishing you all a great day, no matter what you are doing.

Lots of love and hugs 💗💗💗💗💗

Good morning beautiful friends @Snowie @oceangirl @MDT @Anastasia @Shaz51

Well the sun is out, the washing is done and I am about to go for my morning walk. Might even stop and grab a coffee.

Yesterday I had a phone session with my psychologist. It was very interesting and more stuff about me came out.

We started to talk about wise, rational and emotional mind. She asked me to give her an example of when my emotional mind comes into effect. Instantly i started thinking, OMG i don't know, what if i say something stupid, or what if i get it wrong. All these negative beliefs that i have in my head came out instantly. I tried to answer her but then i broke down and said forget, i can't answer it because i am blah blah blah. I went on and on, then cried and told her i feel judged by all of you. she asked to explain and i told her that i struggle to ansdwer questions because i feel so inadequate to answer for fear of being judged, laughed at, talked about. i feel i can't say to her 'please explain, i don't understand'. After my blah telling her how i felt, i said to her OMG i don't know where all that came from. she said to me that she doesn't hate me. and after talking for a bit she asked if we could come to an agreement whereby if i didn't understand something to pls speak up and she will rephrase the question or whatever she is talking about.

i told her i would try but it would be very difficult. this has been me my whole life, but i know i need to change.

we spoke about our finances and how desperate i feel and anxious. she asked if i have been talking to hubby about this. i said to her that our communication isn't great, he shuts down very quicikly and then i do too. which then makes me left with really not knowing how he is feeling or what he is thinking.

i told her that 'there you go now you know a bit more about me" to which she replied she is here to help me and she totoally understands the fear and anxious reg. finances.

Later on after my session hubby called and i told him i had a phone session. I started to cry and told him i have let everyone including him down by not working right now. he told me "no you haven't let anyone down, it will be okay; lets see how we go with regards to selling our home". which to be honest i don't think we are both ready to move away from here. where would we go? we are still not sure.

I hope you all have a nice day and that the sun is shining your way xxxxx

Hi hun @BlueBay

Sounds like you had a good session with your psychologist. Well as good as you can have over the phone anyway.

Totally get the saying something stupid or get it wrong. Have spoken to my psych about those things too. You certainly are not alone in those thoughts hon.

I hope you enjoy your walk and coffee hon.

Lots of love 💜💜

Hello @BlueBay

I hear you, you're definitely not alone in your thought process. Your tdoc sounds fabulous. Enjoy your walk, sun and coffee sweets 🙏☕🌞

Hi and morning @Snowie

Hope you have a good day too.