Need to vent

How am I going to get through this?
leaving hospital tomorrow and I'm so anxious about the days weeks following. I'm glad I'm seeing my psych after discharge. and seeing my doc Friday morning. Hubby is having next two days off.
don't know how to deal with it all.
@MDT @Anastasia @Shaz51 @Snowie @oceangirl @Owlunar and others following

I'm sorry this has happened @BlueBay - it's tough yards

Fretting about the future is a waste of spirit - it serves nothing and no one - it just tears you up and you get lost in it

I know it's hard for you to manage your emotions - all this stress is making everyone worse

The first thing you need to deal with is getting your health attended to - it might be a good idea to take the time to give yourself the break you need

Dec

Thank you for your support @Owlunar

I am trying hard not to think of the future but it's hard. I'm trying to stay in the present moment.

@BlueBay

I know its not an easy time for you and I hear you. Its good that you're letting out your emotions but use your emotions in a positive way. Lean on hubby for support. I believe you have better things around the corner for you and your family. You're awesome and don't let anyone else tell you differently.

I know it's hard @BlueBay - but for yourself and your health persist

Try mindfulness and grounding, breathe, distraction and breathing, take a walk and keep breathing - boring I know but necessary

You really need to deal with your runaway emotions and you can. It's the only way to get better and find the life you want and deserve

Dec🦉

@BlueBay hoping today goes ok for you hon

Thining of you 💜💜💜

Hi @Snowie @Owlunar @oceangirl @MDT @Anastasia @Shaz51 and others following

Saw my dr on fruday. He was interested to know what I did in hodpital. He has tsjen me off the cholesterol med as he doesn't believe I need to be on it. He was angry at how quickly the hodpital physician put me on meds.
he said to me that he believes I need one month off before looking for wirk. And he said my new psych write another letter to him and she suggested the same. He told me I need to talk to hubby about not working for a while.
I did tell hubby and he's response was "well it will prob tske you a month to get a job anyway" I think it's going to be longer than that.

while I was in hospital hubby decided to rearrange the shelves under the sink. He also changed things in the laundry.
abd then he tells me how much stuff he found. (Like I care about that right now)

I feel so let down by my old job. I feel there was no compassion. Im angry but prob no point in being angry.

my stomach is playing up. Meds and drink is helping a little but not properly. Im sure stress is not helping.

im home alone timirriw. Scary bit.
part of my mind wants to run away self harm stop my meds hurt myself. Even thoughts of ending it all.
but ....... my other part of my mind is holding on to hope. Some hope that I will get better. I will feel better. I know there's a lot of therapy still to do but now I have the right people incl my GP.
im just stressing about not working. I submitted a paper from old employer to centrelink to show I'm not working. Hoping I can be paid more than $33 a fortnight!!!

Glad you saw your Doctor @BlueBay He seems to care about you lots and wants what is best for you. I am glad you have him in your corner and the right people supporting you hon. Hopefully that makes a difference for you.

I know what it is like to be scared at being home by yourself. Please remember you won't be alone, we will be here for you too.

Hi @BlueBay

I'm glad you are taking time off work and I suggest you don't even look atm - this will only confuse you, stress you out and help you to forget the main thing you said you need to work on right now - that's working on your priorities

And it seems Huffnpuff isn't really on your wavelength - I assume you talked to him - and having him say it would take a month for you to find a job is rather cavalier. It's going to take at least a month before you are up to looking - as I see it.

I remember you saying that looking for work is addictive for you. I understand that - and if there is a problem at home it might be a thought to remember.

My mother only worked briefly when during the time I knew her and that was when she was saving money for my Gran to be in a nursing home - when I got married I didn't think I would have to work - I wanted to and did - but it was a choice. Women back then didn't automatically work - now they do - but imo Huffnpuff can get it into his head the idea that while you are having this battle looking for work and working that it's up to him to provide. Your sons too - so you can get your priorities sorted. Then when you go to work you will be better able to stick at it

By then the pandemic might be under better control with more people vaccinated. I know this pandemic is a huge issue for you - it is for everyone but you seem to be having it harder. So take this time to voluntarily. I know you are afraid you will be scared being home alone - this is a puzzle for me but it's real for you

It upsets me more than I can say that you mention that you feel you might need to end it all - that is not a solution - you have your family and they care about you. I know we are a nameless, faceless crowd but we care about you and if you went off-line forever we would never know and I don't want that. Self-harm etc is not going to help either. I really don't understand self-harm but I accept the fact it's something that happens. I don't want this for you. I really hope you can settle your mind to deal with one thing at a time and find colouring in, cooking, hand crafts and things like that to fill your day can help.

One day at a time - one hour at a time - it's tough - we all know that - but be aware that we are all here wanting the best for you

Even though I have read so much on BPD I feel there is still something I don't know - something I haven't factored in - I don't know what it is

I am glad you had this time in hospital and hope you can prove to everyone with their own opinion that it wasn't the best thing for you that really it is - that a break makes all the difference

I really care about you BlueBay

Dec

Hi my sister @BlueBay

Glad you have a supportive GP and specialist. We will be here to support you. You're enough and I care about you. Focus on your health and giving yourself the break you need. Thinking of you..