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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Do I take something to sleep

its hard at times

I am going backwards

I'm done fighting this mental illness

I just want it over

I've tried and I'm tired

tossing and turning

wish my mind would shut up

@Emelia8 Thanks for the hugs

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Another hug for you @BlueBay

Emelia 💕

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thank you my lovely friend @Emelia8 I really needed those hugs yesterday and last night. Today i had to work a few hours this morning. Then when i came home have a guess who was hiding in my bedroom curtain?? Little A!!!

Oh what a beautiful surprise, she is staying the night. i have just tucked her into bed. hoping she will sleep all night.

trying to knit a beanie for her but i stuffed it up. too small. need to make it bigger.

I am struggling with my negative thoughts/behaviour something i need to talk to my new psychologist about. i am hating everything about myself; i am so tired of trying. i am so tired of everything.

i want to thank you because i felt so alone last night stuck in my dark mind and thoughts.

hi @MDT @Anastasia @Eve7 @saltandpepper @Owlunar @BPDSurvivor

@Owlunar if you're seeing this post - i miss you terribly. i feel like i have some a truly good friend. i hope and pray you are okay. always in my mind. xxxxoooo

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay 😄💕👧

In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hugs @BlueBay

Hope you're ok. 🙏💕

I miss @Owlunar as well🦉

Hello @Emelia8 🌹

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thanks @Emelia8 @Anastasia

think I'm getting scared, worried and stressed about my mental illness and physical issues.
tried drinking the other night - not good, it made me feel sick

although at the time it felt good.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay , I remember times when I used to feel like that. My whole life up until my mid 30s, I NEVER touched alcohol. Knowing my addictive tendencies, I stayed away from it.... but not forever.

Voila, I got a few bottles of wine for Christmas one year.


One day, when I was feeling angry and rebellious, I scoffed a whole bottle. I nearly gagged on the first sip! I HATED the taste. But just to be contrary and rebellious, I drank the whole thing.... lol... don't know what happened after.... not to mention, my regular meds shouldn't be taken with alcohol.

In the end, what did it do for me? Cleared my pantry of one bottle, and I think that was it. There was no enjoyment whatsoever.

The lesson I learnt? I don't like the taste of alcohol; alcohol didn't solve my problems; my BPD anger and 'rebellion' hurts me more than anyone else.

To everyone reading, please note these are MY experiences. I'm in no way making assumptions or judging anyone.

What an experience!

Anyway @BlueBay , I'm smiling at the fact that you came home to someone hiding behind your curtain! It would have made my day! I can totally see all the smiles! Good on you Nonna!

As for me, I'm in bed with a heat pack on my back because yesterday, when I was putting my bag in my car boot, there was a 'click' in my back and OUCH!!! I'm not concerned because it's happened to me a number of times. I just need to let it heal so I don't walk like a lopsided flop!

Happy spirits though.

Hugs all,

BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Ouch that sounds painful

Take care @BPDSurvivor

hope it's a bit better today xxxooo

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BPDSurvivor how's your back today?

I'm having a really hard day. Crying for no particular reason. No motivation. I have been emotional eating so much. It's terrible.
I feel angry at myself. How terrible znd pathetic I am. I called the CAT team this afternoon. Not much help just listened to me talk and cry.

I wish I was in a better headspace but I'm not. I working tomorrow.
I just want to (Csnt really say what I want)

Feel disgusted at my eating

@Anastasia @Emelia8 @Eve7 @Shaz51 @saltandpepper @MDT and others

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

You are stronger than you think @BlueBay
I can see you're in a spot of difficulty atm but I have seen you rise to challenges my friend.
I believe you can do it.
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