Need to vent

That’s horrible @BlueBay I’m sorry that’s your story.... and mine too. I wonder why your parents abandoned you after telling them that? I’m sure there are reasons, maybe you know, and no need to talk about it if you don’t want to. I kept my childhood sexual abuse a secret for a long time, and when I eventually told.... or more so, when my mum discovered what had happened, I didn’t like the way she responded. It scared me. Can’t image her pain when she found out the man that she married (my step dad) did what he did to me, that she wasn’t able to do the one thing that a mum wants to do- protect her child. We’ve never really talked about it since, we don’t tend to talk deep stuff, but yeah anyways. Rambling.

As difficult as it was, sounds like that time apart was good for you as your own person. You learnt to make those decisions on your own and have grown.

I'm so sorry that you have suffered abuse as a child @Bow it's horrible

hugs xxx

My memories of my abuse came out when i was 44 yrs old. I don't know how or why it didn't come out earlier in life. I have a feeling that my mum knows what happened, not 100% though. Even still, you would think a mother would love and protect their children and I am sorry your mum didn't protect you.

We have never spoken about my abuse again after her verbal abusing me 10 years ago. Her fit of rage was unbelieavable. And also the fact that i had confided with my sister before telling my mum was not acceptable to my mum. she was raged when she found out. all i did was tell my sister, how can that be so wrong.

it still sometimes gets to me, i do get angry and want to lash out eg. self harm but when i look at my little granddaughter i stop.

no, there were no real reasons on their part to abandon me. I waslked out of their home hysteriucally .

better go i will come back later xxxx

Hugs @BlueBay

I hope that your sister was more understanding when you first told her. The first person I told believed me, and was supportive. And that’s all we want, need and deserve and I am sorry that you didn’t get that from your own mum, the one person who you should be able to rely on. I’m so sorry.

Are you still silent about it? Or do you have a current therapist or someone you can discuss this with?

Wasn’t so much that my mum didn’t protect me, she couldn’t, she wasn’t around when it happened. I don’t blame her, she may blame herself for letting him into our lives though. Who knows really.

I’m glad you have your granddaughter to give you hope and a way through this. My daughter is that for me. She is 5. She is the only reason I am still alive, although it’s hard, so incredibly hard. It’s a monster that I fight every single day at the moment.

Hugs again @BlueBay

I know how important your relationship with your Dad is @BlueBay so I understand

It now becomes a choice to not let all that shite from your Mum get to you - feel it, acknowledge it but also remember that is the way she is and she is not going to change - you are the only one that can find a way through it and you need to for your own health ...don't let her continue to have that hold over you because that will continue to make your angry and upset and therefore continue to affect your health. You have your sister's support, your daughter is happy and your other son has a full time job - celebrate the good you have in your life and make those things the priority in your own mind.

@Shaz51 @Maggie @BPDSurvivor @Owlunar @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 and ithers

I'm really emotional and very sad

I found out today that a friend of ours hasn't got long to live

she's had cancer (lung, kidney spine and now brain) for a few years. Was in remission but now they've sent her home. Nothing else doctors can do.
her daughter is same age as mine. The girls went to school together.
the daughter got engaged start of year; announced her pregnancy 4 months ago and now today organising her wedding to be held in 2 weeks. My D has been asked to do the make up for her and her mum.
uts going to be a very hard and emotional day.
my friend us so excited thst she is going to be a grandma next May. But now I don't think she'll make it. She won't get to see her grandchild.
such a beautiful caring person always smiling

im really sad znd hsbe cried a bit thinking of her

@BlueBay ..... sending hugs and love .....

@grayhorn

I studied sexual assault, worked some weekends to be on call. I couldnt work out why sexual assault seemed to have such huge repercussions until I was sexually assaulted myself. First there's the event, then in the aftermath I couldnt tell my son, because he knew the guy and would have ripped his arms off, which I would have been glad about, but would have started a vendetta with repercussions for my loved one. The guy's cousin was my friend ( lost that friendship as a result of speaking out a year later) but he got run out of town after some more years passed and he doesnt live in Australia anymore. He abused so many young children and vunerable women, always got off if it went to court. Not enough evidence.

So I learnt first hand, that the assault is one thing, but then you have everyone's attitudes and opinions to deal with as well. No wonder so many people dont speak up.

Takes courage aye.

@BlueBay Sending 💙💙

@grayhorn Welcome. I hope you can join in where you feel comfortable.

Hi @BlueBay

I hear and I understand how you feel about your mother - I went through similar emotions - and I know how hard it is and how you miss your father

I guess your emotions are stronger because of your BPD - they are harder to control - and I know when I finally walked away from my mother I was haunted by her being alone in the Aged Care Facility she was in - I also knew my sister wanted to have all her POAs and rejoiced in her position - but yes - I thought every day I should go and see the cranky old lady and every day I decided I would not and it was a long time before I saw her and she was full of regret - regret I am sure your mother will feel when her time comes - and that is an awful way to die - and my mother chose her path

And so is your mother - I guess that in Italy mothers have more control over their daughters - in this country it's different - and your parents or grandparents decided to come to this different world and really - just have to put up with the different order here - and as hard as it is to free yourself from the umbilical cord - you can do it

Your sister and you have the right to discuss whatever you choose and your daughter has the right to choose a new partner and it's really none of your mother's business

And my mother didn't want to be upset and she was always saying #Don't do this - don't say that - don't tell so-n-so about the other. I mustn't be upset - I don't want to go back into things - don't tell me about (whatever) - keep something to yourself - why didn't you tell me - etc - on and on# egad!! I couldn't win so I would back off. I would go away. And I would cry -

You can't win these battles with your mother - and I know staying away is hard too. And of course you are afraid of her - I learned young to resist my mother - she didn't like it - and I am sure she set my sister and I against each other - and that was a pity - and a toxic family can't be changed until they are ready - and I am sorry you have to put up with all of this - it's lonely - I know that - and you miss your Dad

I guess you can start in small ways by being calm and telling her you are old enough to decide what is your business and to back off - she is going to be cranky anyway so try and make your own rules about her.

I know the grief and the sorrow - I sometimes wish I could have explained my life to my mother but I couldn't when she was alive and of course I can't now that she's died.

I'm sorry BlueBay - we are all dealt a hand in life and sometimes a crabby mother is part of the deal - I wish it was easier for you - and I certainly know - it's tough

Dec