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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

No @saltandpepper

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay
Whats happening friend

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Because it sounds very intense for you @BlueBay perhaps it's worth talking to the GP about?

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Saw my doctor this morning. I'm back on my meds. He's concerned about my extremely high blood pressure. Stress is causing it to rise.
he is encouraging me to go to work and he said he's positive I'll be ok and actually enjoy it!!
I have to see him next week reg blood pressure.
Off to the city niw with hubby. Then seeing my psychologist tonight at 6pm.
@saltandpepper @MDT @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Emelia8

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

this is tghe lowest we have ever been financially. had to ask younger son for more money.

i am not a good person, we are living very badly. and we aren't even splurging on anything. just everyday living

i can't live like this anymore

my head hurts, my blood pressure isn't good

just been on phone to telstra organising phone overdue - that was a disaster!!!

@saltandpepper @MDT @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Emelia8

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

You are not a bad person @BlueBay

But bad things happen to any of us

Two important distinctions my awesome friend 🙂

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I don't know Whst yo do

@MDT @saltandpepper @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Emelia8

my blood pressure has gone sky high 195/84

my head is pounding terribly

I am supposed to start new job tomorrow

I need help !!!

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hey @BlueBay, it sounds like the anxiety you're experiencing right now is quite intense. Anything new can be really scary and anxiety inducing. That's ok. A loved one usually tells me when I have bouts of nerves or anxiety that the nerves mean it's important and I care. So in a way, nerves and anxiety can be helpful, but not if they're overtaking everything else. At least for me. I'd really like to encourage you to reach out for help if what you're experiencing starts to feel too overwhelming. Sane's Helpcentre is open until 10pm this evening if you'd like to talk to someone 1:1, or there's Lifeline (13 11 14) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636). I'd also encourage you to try to reach out to your GP, or you can also try the after hours GP helpline (1800 022 222) if you have any serious concerns about your physical health like your blood pressure for example. Please take good care of yourself this evening and all the best for tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be amazing!

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

try something relaxing my sister @BlueBay

Please take good care of yourself this evening and all the best for tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be amazing! like @TideisTurning said i agree

nice cup of tea , a warm bath , some music,

In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay and everyone else!

As always, I've been flat out, but more than ever now. I'm starting a new work project which will take me out to working until 10pm each night (for about 6 weeks).

Anyway, @BlueBay , I've caught up with some of what's happening. It's so good you are still hanging on. As I've said in the past, you are stronger than you think.

Something else I wanted to say is that I don't think you should beat yourself up over sending your therapist a message to his email. After all, he GAVE you the email. What does he expect? You frame it and put it on your mantelpiece for decoration? As far as I'm concerned, if you feel bad for emailing him, he should also take some of the blame because he gave you the email - please correct me if I'm wrong.

Surrounding your question as to whether I self-sabotage? Well yes, definitely. I DID anyway. When I felt rebellious, I stopped my meds....but then very quickly, it turned around to bite me because I'd have the runs, dizziness, shaking etc.... not pleasant. Having BPD doesn't mean you need meds. But if you have comorbidities - then yes, that's a different thing. We are not here to police whether you take your meds. I'm sure you're big enough to make that choice yourself 😉 We can only make suggestions, but ultimately, no one can tell you what to do. As I say to the kids - it's your brain, your arms, your legs - what you do is your responsibility, and you must bear the consequences.

Good to hear from you!

BPDSurvivor

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