helplines bad experience

What you have experienced recently is conpletely unacceptable @Serenity1

Helplines do have a limited capacity to actually help and should never replace one on one in person support but they also have a duty of care to those that call and you SHOULD NEVER be hung up on or not listened to.

In my experience, unfortunately, a lot of people on the other end of some of these helplines read from a script and do not have the necessary skills to actually actively listen. In saying that though they are not there to give you their opinion but should direct you to where you can get additional help that they themselves cannot provide - that is the restrictive nature of some of the helplines. So whilst you may seem fobbed off by the first counsellor (and I do not know the exact service you called) it really may be the case that they are not equipped to deal with such a call. The second giuy however totally stepped over the line in both saying he will listen and then subsequently hanging up on you. If it was me - I would make an official complaint in regards to this person because what he did is not only out of line but dangerous.

As for you being worthless, stupid, of no value, not good enough etc. - that is so far from the truth. You have been treated appallingly and that is not a reflection of you, it is a reflection on the inability of many of these helplines we have in this country to actually help. We (as in all of us that use or have used a helpline) do get the limitations that exist with some of these helplines and often do not find then at all helpful. I personally have only ever found the SANE helpcentre helpful but that is only my experience. I also only use chat though and maybe that means there is less emotion in the written word than if I was actually speaking. Have you thought of using the chat function yourself - it both enables you to get out what you need to but also stay more present because you are typing instead of speaking ...just a thought.

I do what to re-iterate though that you deserve that kindness and compassion and that you are worthy of support. I hope that other members here will jump in to tell you the same and you feel that care and support from us here.

Hugs and hugs Hon

Hi @Serenity1 ,

It was really hard to hear how you have been treated when trying to reach out for support for yourself. Thank you for still reaching out through the forum and connecting with peers when you are feeling so overwhelmed and let down by your experiences.

I encourage you to consider @Zoe7 suggesttion of contacting the SANE Help Centre by phone or chat if you are wanting added support tonight.

Please take care,

Radius

Serenity 1 Im sorry to hear that your having such a hard time with helplines at the momment,I can understand that you are in need of possibly just someone to validate your feelings and really listen to what you need to talk about as someone whos just had to yesterday open up and discuss my feelings with my cousin I get what you mean,please dont think you are the problem as Many of us can understand on here its very hard how to read others and even our own emotions because of anxiety but I must say that when you find the right person for you to talk to about how your feeling with just everything it makes a huge difference and sometimes its not the people we may expect to understand us that actually do understand us is there someone you can talk to besides a help line? someone hopefully that you can really lean on and get the support you need? these particular people on the helplines are not the right people to talk to if there not taking your concerns seriously please keep trying you will find the right person to talk to who will really listen to what you need to say and more importantly what you need to feel at the momment in order to work through things please keep trying cause believe me you are not wrong,your feelings are not wrong,its the people that are not willing to listen to you that are wrong please take care of yourself sending hugsX Lost Angel

Hi @Serenity1 .

I can relate to your experiance very well. I've never called a helpline, but I went through very much the same sort of experiance in therapy. 8 years wasted between 2 nightmare therapists; no real help or coherant advice ever offered; only riddles & non-answers. Then some time after I'd finally escaped from that nightmare, I learned that they were never intended to help me, due to the mental health system's in-house rules about not actually helping patients. #SMH

I can relate to your dillemma about the pain & exhaustion of having to repeat your traumatic experiances over and over again to these so-called "helpers". Just a thought, but perhaps you might be better off relying on online chat services? That way, you can write out what you have to say just once (e.g. in a Microsoft Word document), then just copy-paste your statement if you ever need to switch over to a new service?

I know that differant people all prefer differant methods of communication, though, so this might not be for you. Personally, I always prefer to communicate via typed statements as writing things out gives me a chance to collect my thoughts.

Hi @chibam and @Serenity1

I am sorry to learn that you have had unhelpful therapists and have wasted all that time chibam. Yes there are MH professionals at work, like in most professions, that are not very capable. But the mental health system does not have any rule about not helping people. On these forums are many accounts from our wonderful members of the help they have received from therapists and MH professionals in the system. Sure the system is under great strain at the best of times but there are some very helpful professionals within it. The SANE Help Centre may well be one place with counsellors that can help.

take care

Whitehawk

Moderaror

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@Former-Member wrote:

But the mental health system does not have any rule about not helping people.

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I've heard differantly. I've read a few differant therapists refer to not offering real help to people as being "the golden rule" of therapy.

Hello @Serenity1

I am so sorry you have had this experience with the helplines! When we are in crisis, we just need to feel heard, understood and as though our emotions matter. It's really sad that you reached out for help and didn't get your needs met.

Please know that you are worthy. You are a human being and your emotions matter. You do matter, EVEN though you may not feel it. Always. No exceptions.

Someone else's incompetence and inability to help/validate you, is NOT your fault. We have a tendency to internalise the behaviour of others. We sometimes feel if someone doesn't treat us right, then we must be worthless, and many other negative things. Please understand that you are separate from the behaviour of others. Your worth is always stable, no matter how you are treated by anybody.

I'm feeling really emotional from the things you have written about yourself. Even though you may FEEL these negative things about you, doesn't make them true.

YOU are worthy
YOU are valuable
YOU deserve kindness
YOU deserve support
YOUR emotions matter
YOU DO belong here!

I used to struggle a lot with self-hatred, worthlessness and not understanding my value. I can see a younger version of me in you, and it is making me feel like crying. I found this website by Bernie Sewell to be really helpful. I signed up to here FREE emails, and did her free exercises. Here is the link:

https://increasingselfworth.com/

Good luck, and my thoughts are with you.

I really hope the second person didn't hang up, but something cut out in their systems & the call dropped out & they didn't have a way to call you back. I know it doesn't help you because you still didn't get the support you needed after having to go through the whole story not once but twice (& I know how hard it is to start all over again explaining to a new person, & good on you for still trying again after the first knockback, it can't have been easy), but the second call ending midstory might not have been personal, & the helpline person may have been quite upset at losing your call.

Hi guys! 👋👋👋

thanks so much for your very kind replies to my post/-

i have been locked out of my account,& finally managed to get back in today-

will try & reply properly when I get a chance but just wanted to let you know I really appreciate your kindness & support!

xxx 💖💖💖 🌺🌺🌺 xxx @Aniela

@Zoe7 @Former-Member @LostAngel @chibam @Former-Member @jallo