Hello @BlueBay
and others who may be interested in the following material about which I would like any thoughts or comments.
{Fairly long post of ~800words}
@BlueBay This note commenced as a response to your post which started with:
"Love your blanket @Judi9877 It's beautiful
Hi @BPDSurvivor gee having BPD is so damn hard at times - just venting
hi @Shaz51 how are you today? how is your mum?
hi @HenryX how are you and did you have a nice day?"
I would be pleased and most appreciative, if you feel inclined to read and comment on the thoughts that I have written in this note, when and if you feel comfortable doing so.
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I believe, that in order to respond effectively to our situations and deal constructively with our lives, that we will improve our lives by understanding where we are coming from, where we are now, and where it is that we wish to go. This note is an attempt to re-read the map and reassess the plan.
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I believe that I hear what you are saying. Through recent discussions with the counsellor, I have become more aware of the way that I have thought and considered issues during most of my life. In fact, as a result of this guided and self-considered reflection, I have become aware that my life has been a constant battle when compared to the majority of people in my own age, social and cultural cohort.
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As I grew older, the battle became more internalised. In other words, the early influences that had been barriers and to some degree confrontatioal events, and my responses and reactions to those, generally external barriers, stimuli and conditions, became an ever increasing part of who I was, rather than being external to me. That, I now think in retrospect, made or moulded me to be more different from the majority of people who had, what may be referred to as, more normalised or standardised lives. I believe that my earlier experiences, naturally and, or by nurture, had "shaped" my developing internal structures of reasoning, responses and reactions in such a way that I responded to a wide range of stimuli in ways often, very differently to the way that the majority of people, in my age, social and cultural environment, would have responded, reacted and functioned. This contributed to the significant difficulty, the battle, living in "the world to which I was exposed" during my life. {meaning, as distinguished from the wider and more generalised social, cultural and nationalised norms}. In that world, I could not understand how other people functioned effectivelly, any more than the majority of others could understand the reasons for the difficulties that I had in functioning effectively, in what would otherwise have appeared to be the same environment. I could never express my difficulties in ways that most others could understand or relate to, or were even recognised variations in psychological terms and practice, at that time. In a sense such outsiders are in a minority and only rarely make connections with others in similar situations. So the concept and even evidence of support structures, for mutual benefit is generally minimal, if apparent at all.
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This situation became increasingly evident when I connected with a friend from our teenage years, some few years ago. During and following some of our discussions, and my own, mentally directed reflection on those teenage years, as if I were looking from above, I considered what differences there appeared to be between us. I had learnt sufficient, in the intervening years, to know that his life was very different from mine in many different and significant ways. Some may say "well, we all live different lives, there is nothing new in that statement." However, we develop and learn, as a result of both hereditary and genetically received parameters and then subsequent conditioning, which may commence even from conception, in ever increasing degrees. The difference between the life processes of my friend and me, that became apparent, I have to say incompletely, was that he had a very different approach and strategy set, with regard to responding to life issues, to the approaches and strategy sets that I had.
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For example, I like to think and believe that I am sensitive to other people's needs. This sensitivity has been developed, I believe, almost as a reaction to in-sensitivities that I experienced in my childhood and teenage years. I was determined neither to be in-sensitive to the needs of others, nor be responsible for passing on those traits to others, for whom I may have any responsibility for development, training or education. In my friend, sensitivity was almost a casual issue that might be addressed in a number of different ways or not even considered at all. For me sensitivity feels as if it is an imperative, almost as if driven.
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It was recently suggested to me, in response to material I had offered in discussion, that my heightened sense of avoidance of the possibility of causing any form of harm to others, could be considered as a trait often associated with OCD. This was considered partly, in reference to my observations that seemed to suggest that I would rather withdraw from a situation, than that I should be responsible, even in a minor or unintentional way, for any insensitivity to be expressed by me toward another person, or that any such behaviour should be passed on to another in such a way as to incline the other person toward being insensitive to others.
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It is just as difficult for other people, who have not had the experiences, sensations and awareness that may otherwise have impacted and imprinted adversely on their lives, to know what life is like for people who have had such negative experiences, sensations or awareness. Indeed, we would not want others to acquire their developmental experiences in ways such that they would have the same life concerns and sensitivities as those of us who have had our development influenced in varying negative ways.
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With Best Wishes
@HenryX
