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Do your ffriends think you're getting netter!

LorrieCasual Contributor05 Aug 2016, 7:17 pm AEST

Do your ffriends think you're getting netter!

My sister asked me this recently, after saying 'you seem so much better'. I think she was surprised when I sais 'I dont talk about my mental health with my friends' . They ask "How are you . and I reply'fine thanks. This is true even eith family except my sister who goes on until she gets an acceptable answer.I havent learned from my mistakes. Last year I had a mental breakdown after a divirce, buying a new homel and returning to a job after 6 months off. Now through all of this, I didmt divulge any problems with close friends friends and family members. I had been on anxiety medication for about 10 years but the experiences of early 2015 festered inside until things became overpowering. I collapsed on my kitchen floor believing I was dying. A quick trip to a nearby hospital in an ambulance cobfirmed that there was nothing physically wrong with me and I needed to see my local doctor, which I did. When I described my breakdown she said 'we call it anxiety, not a breakdown." I was given a few weeks off work to stop and 'smell the roses'. After 2 weeks I went back to work but things werent right, it seemed as though the job had changed and I couldnt keep up. After a Performanxce Management review where my superior sid I was shaking and puffing, I havent been back to work I have used all my sick leave and now am running out of Long Service Leave.. Anyway I hate talking about what's happened and avoid such discussions by not returning calls or sounding so chirpy that enquirers think I must be okay. How do others broach the subject. Ive always hated talking about personal topics and myself, generally. I take after my Dad who had several nervous breakdowns and had shock treatment. I would like to talk to people with anxiet and depression to see how thry start opening up,Any thoughts?

3 replies

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In response to: Do your ffriends think you're getting netter!

SehnsuchtSenior Contributor05 Aug 2016, 7:55 pm AEST

Re: Do your ffriends think you're getting netter!

Xxxxx.

A lot for you!

I find in my experience, it helps to acknowledge why those fears are there, as yes there is stigma. So whenever I open up to someone in hopes for support, I do so with my eyes wide open and have prepared myself for feeling like slamming my palm to my face. If I do come across unhelpful support, the friendship or family relationship remains but yes I move on to find someone else to attempt sharing with.

If the burden of bouncing between so many people that know you is hard, I highly recommend peer support. Online is great, but I have found a diffetent level of releived 'sighs' and acknowledgement, in face to face support groups xx

In response to: Do your ffriends think you're getting netter!

utopiaSenior Contributor05 Aug 2016, 11:18 pm AEST

Re: Do your ffriends think you're getting netter!

Hi @Lorrie. I also have depression and anxiety. Because my dad had undiagnosed PTSD from the Vietnam War, mental health has never been a taboo subject in my house. I told my mum straight away. Actually, she was the one who told me to go to the gp. Other members of my family know. Some don't get it. That's fine. I don't hide from them. I just don't discuss it with them. My sister has only started to understand this year when I booked myself into hospital due to SI. My best friend is very understanding. Most people in the small town I moved to a few years ago know (no secrets in a small town). I don't mind. If people ask - I'm honest. There is no shame in having a mental illness. It's no different to having a physical illness. When people ask if it's a secret, I say no. Then I tell them it's no different to having diabetes. It's a different part of the body that isn't working, that's all. There is no shame in being sick. Regardless of the illness. We are more likely to get better and/or cope better if we have people around who know us and support us.
Why not print off some material on depression and anxiety for your family and friends to read. Make sure it includes what they can do to help. Use correct / modern terminology. You are not crazy. You have anxiety. It is common and can be treated. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Talk to your family about your experiences. Talk about your dads experiences. Mental health treatment has come along way. I wish you well.

In response to: Do your ffriends think you're getting netter!

SaharaSenior Contributor06 Aug 2016, 9:05 am AEST

Re: Do your ffriends think you're getting netter!

Hi @Lorrie,

Thanks for opening up here about your experiences. It sounds like you have had a tough time.

I suffer from anxiety and have had severe depression in the past. I have had very mixed experiences when I have confided to family and friends about my mental illness. I am usually very reluctant to tell anyone about it, because I fear being discriminated against. I have even gone as far as to bend the truth on job application forms!

It's so strange in our society.... I feel like we are allowed to be extremely emotional to the point of sobbing out loud if someone has died or a husband has left us.... but then to be diagnosed with mental illness and seek treatment is somehow 'undisrable' and makes us less of a person.

It's like one form of suffering is perfectly natural and acceptable, but another form of suffering is just not Ok, for some reason.

I am lucky in some ways, as I have been mostly able to hide all my symptoms from everyone, my whole life. I learnt from a very young age that it was much safer to put on a happy face and not show any weakness.

When I fell ill with major depression, I probably only had one person who seemed to really care about me, but she was hundreds of miles away. My family seemed to accept that I had depression, but they kept their distance. They rarely even called me on the phone. I don't know why they seemed so uncaring and I have never confronted any of them about this.

My friends were sympathetic but did not try and do anything specific to cheer me up or make any concessions for me. I suppose it was just too difficult for them. (Why???) It was like I was just left to my own devices to try and get better without support. I still feel a bit bitter about this, although I am learning to let go.

@Lorrie, I think the best people to offer support are those who have been through something similar and can understand where you are coming from. Maybe a support group or something like that?

One of my friends attends group therapy, led by an experienced psychologist and she finds this really helpful. Maybe you could try something similar?

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