Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

CladdamContributor05 Aug 2016, 3:45 pm AEST

Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Hey everyone,

Thought I'd share my store in case others feel the same or have tips on how to combat it.

My grandfather passed away 5 days after my birthday last year. I had just turned 30 and he was 90. Good innings right? We were close and while I cried at the funeral, I started having fears about mortality. The whole, OMG I'm 30, soon 40, then 50 and then...

On the morning of the garage sale to farewell my granfather's house, I woke up with a resting heart rate of 80 and thought "Oh that's a bit high", I then began to panic and it rose to 145. Nevertheless, I got through the day but then became more and more concerned.

In the next 4 weeks I was to have 1.5-3 hours sleep a night, could hardly concentrate at work, lie down in bed and all I could hear was my heart thumping away. Would constantly check my pulse and use my dad's blood pressure machine. My doctor gave me sleeping tablets but that made me more anxious. It was like my nervous system was having a party that I wasn't invited to.

In my 20's I was overweight, didn't eat perfectly healthy but didn't eat too bad. Love hot chips, pizza and burgers.

Had blood tests that came back fine. Cholesterol was at 5 so doctor said to start watching what I eat. I normally go to the gym 3-5 times a week to do cardio and weights. I guess the whole "I can have a pizza tonight cos I'm going to the gym a lot" was a consideration I didn't realise much.

The doctor started me on medication and since then my resting heart rate has gone back to 55-65 and 45-60 in bed, which for someone fit and healthy is normal.

I still feel really tired during the day and seem to wake up twice a night needing to pee. Did a urine and culture test, all came back fine. My stomach has been weird the past 8 weeks - weird bowel movements. chunks of nuts and seeds in stool - since this started so the doctor gave me a blood test today for full blood count, celiac disease and iron levels. He also gave me a referral to a gastro and I've been seeing a psychologist.

My doctor and psych keep telling me I'm fit, young and healthy but I always worry about the foods and choices I've made, the smoking I did (although I haven't smoked for a few years now). Stopped drinking caffeine and alcohol to try and calm my stomach down.

Health anxiety has been a soul shattering experience because of all the physical symptoms. I trust my doctor and psych but whenever I feel weak or tired, or sore in the stomach or chest I go "What if they're wrong, what if my arteries are clogged". But I always remind myself that if they were, I wouldn't be around 8-9 weeks later and probably not typing this message.

Moral of the story: to all who suffer from anxiety, stay strong. The symptoms are very real but don't be scared to reach out - to family, friends, your doctor, and a psychologist. I thought of myself as a strong person but I'm taking medication because it's been a weird experience. Even today I went to the doctor and he said my blood pressure was 90/60, which sounded low. He did it 2 more times on the machine and it came back 117/75 and 100/58 so he took it manually and it said 108/70. I think his machine is broken. I was like "DON'T FREAK ME OUT!"

Stay strong, trust your doctor and remember to breathe. I'm also religious so I've been praying everyday. I hope God is listening and helping me too. Love to you all.

14 replies

1 - 10 of 14

1 2

In response to: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

pipSenior Contributor05 Aug 2016, 4:01 pm AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Dear Claddam. What you've experienced is quite normal. You loved your granddad, you had him in your life 90 years, unreal. You are in mourning for this wonderful, loving person who was such a strong part of your life. When we lose parent/loved one. We go through a grieving process where all sorts of emotions tend to run rampant. Sometimes we get frightened because losing someone close seems to make death seem real. Death IS real, but losing a close friend/rellie makes it MORE. I would try talking to your granddad, tell him how you feel, tell him you miss him. Share your everyday life with him, light a candle for him. Also concentrate on slowing down your breathing. There are many relaxation techniques available, try to discover one that suits and apply it. When you feel your heart rate elevate, note your breathing. Try slowing it down, by concentrating, shut your eyes and think about your granddad. Think about what he would say, he was 90, therefore a very wise man. Was he a returned serviceman, if he was, he would've been in your situation, elevated heart rate a few times. Think about how he would've coped under duress. In war zones, there was little respite from conflict and service men had to rely on themselves and comrades to 'be there' for them. Ask granddad to 'be there' for you now. Shut your eyes and concentrate on him.

In response to: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Flower88Senior Contributor05 Aug 2016, 6:35 pm AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Hi claddam I can so understand what you are going through, I'm going through the same thing! Stay strong and breath from your stomach it helps better than your chest.

In response to: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

CladdamContributor05 Aug 2016, 11:32 pm AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Thanks for the reassurance, suggestions and advice. My only concern now is that, like I said my stomach has been feeling ill and churning. I dropped from 84kgs to 79kgs and now I'm between 82-84. This morning I was 83.2kgs and after breakfast, lunch and a cheat meal for dinner - chicken, chips, dim sims and potato cakes with a little bit of chocolate and ice cream and a litre of water during the day, I'm only at 83.5kgs. Would my metabolism be working overtime because of the anxiety? I get sudden urges to empty my bowels in the morning and see seeds, nuts and corn in my stool. I'm scared my body isn't getting any nutrients and I'm just going to keep dropping weight unless I eat a huge amount of food. I have no pain but burp/fart and feel bloated at times. Everything on google says disease or cancer. Im a little worried. I guess the blood test I had today for iron, blood count and celiac will give insights next week. Now to book a trip to the gastro 😕

In response to: Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

SaharaSenior Contributor06 Aug 2016, 8:38 am AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Hi @Claddam, I think it's great that you trust your doctor and that you are getting everything checked out from a medical point of view.

The problem with anxiety is that it can attach itself to almost anything... and a common thing that people with anxiety seem to worry about is their health. I have a friend who is a classic example; she has seen around 10 specialists in 8 years and been back to her G.P. countless times for countless tests - all which have come back normal. The problem is that no amount of doctors, specialists and medical tests can provide her with any reassureance, because she is anxious and the anxiety itself is not being treated.

By all means, have all the recommend tests. I certainly would, if I were you. But get effective treatment for you anxiety too, otherwise it could continue and it could go on to attach itself to other areas of your life.

I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was 8 years old. As a child, I had no idea what was wrong with me, but as an adult I was able to seek help. I have social anxiety and general anxiety.... but in some ways I am fortunate, because now I know what anxiety is. When I have the physical symptoms of a racing heart rate, upset tummy, dizziness and cold sweats, I feel anxious and I feel within myself a definite connection between my physical body and my mind.

Some people don't feel this connection between their thoughts and their body; again, my firend is a classic example - she says that she doesn't feel anxious, even though she has all the physical symptoms of anxiety. She says she is only anxious because she worries about having all these symptoms! So it can get a bit confusing.

Also, there probably are plenty of people out there who do have a physical illness that could be mis-diagnosed as "all in their head", so we do have to be careful.

@Claddam, I hope yopu have some good news regarding your latest tests.

In response to: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

CladdamContributor06 Aug 2016, 11:31 am AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Hey @Sahara, thanks for your kind words. Yes, I do need to trust my doctor more and learn to relax. As you said, before any of this happened I didn't feel anxious. I was taking a pre-workout for gym that I stopped because I felt dizzy and nauseous one day. I thought the upset stomach and racing heart was because I was having withdrawals. I guess you don't have to feel anxious to be anxious Hey?

I'll try not to worry about my stomach. I'm still a little worried about my weight though. I ate a lot yesterday and had a cheat meal of chicken and hot chips, drank over a litre of water yet I still weighed less this morning than yesterday.

Went to the bathroom this morning and still have chunks of nuts, corn, flax seeds and pieces of spinach in my... stuff and now sitting on the couch feeling icky and stomach churning. I'm just a little scared that my body isn't digesting food properly therefore I'm not getting the nutrients from the food and I have malnutrition or something like that.

Anyways, I'm going to distract myself and enjoy some TV. Thanks again @Sahara for your kind words.

In response to: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

SehnsuchtSenior Contributor06 Aug 2016, 7:46 pm AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

@Claddam, everything others have said, but here to add, get rid of your damn scales!!
They cannot tell you your health. Only the amount of influence gravity is having on you,at any one time.
Fun fact: muscle is denser than fat. So if you're working out and eating nutritiously people can actually gain weight, yet be healthier.
Note I say nutritiously, NO reference to kilojules. Don't count them. Irrelevant. Nutritiously is being guided by the food pyramid. Do not laud certain pyramid foods over another. No food is bad. Unless you intend to eat arsenic lol. Balance is good!

Big breaths. Hope any subsequent visits to drs have reassured you some. And don't worry about being a burden, if it's a choice between your GP and dr Google, hound your GP everytime. But do listen. And pay attention to your anxiety and fixations. Defintiely get help with those. They sound exhasuting! Hope your day had even a tiny bit of calm in it xx

In response to: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

CladdamContributor07 Aug 2016, 9:07 am AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Thank you @Sehnsucht. I will do my best and throw out my scales today.

Like the topic says, it's been a soul shattering experience. I never knew anxiety could be so many different things. Even this morning when I woke up I felt shaky all over. I'm working on my anxiety and seeing a psych so I hope I can get over this soon. Have a good day and thanks for your advice. It is greatly appreciated.

In response to: Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

TABSenior Contributor07 Aug 2016, 10:40 am AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Hi @Claddam a lot of what you are saying rings true for me in past.

Perhaps the grandfather, going to doctors a lot, weighing self to within 200 grams are symptoms of something else?

Do you have friends or a partner, family member you are close to and relate to?

I spent decades probably on own mostly, have done the 'weight' thing recurringly,

Did go through a stage where I would worry if family members I cared about would die

yes, it was irrational

Over the last few years have sort of been waiting for parents to die as they are getting on, ie 80s and 90s, and at the same time thinking, well 'is this it?' re me me being in 50s, not 30s

I ended up thinking I was being very selfish re my thoughts. Going to the doctor may be what you need at the moment, and you may need a label for how you are feeling ..fair enough .. I've been there..

However, as one doctor said to me once, ..go for a walk, get moving, do stuff..

I thought 'well, how dare you.. I feel bad..' but it did work..

just my two cents worth.. and if it isn't your own fear of mortality re grandfather, yes light candle etc, or keep going back to doctor as others have said..

Sounds like a regular coffee with someone and a or a hug might be useful...

In response to: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Unknown userMember07 Aug 2016, 10:55 am AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Nice words @TAB..heh @Claddam maybe take a look at the grief cycle? IT may help you understand the motions we go through whilst grieving. I think grief is one of the toughest cycles in life. And grieving can be over anything. Possibly your grandfather passing shut off a part of yourself? It's that part we loose, that we grieve particularly as you were close. It's such a tricky one, because it imposes upon where we are presently at in life. It gives rise to many questions, such as sense of place, is this as good as it gets type of thing!! (Makes me think vof Jack Nicholson there, & a role he played with OCD)... So mostly go slow, be gentle, do one little thing a day for you...@TAB mines the candle deal today & not being so 'racy'. 😊

In response to: Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

TABSenior Contributor07 Aug 2016, 11:01 am AEST

Re: Anxiety is a soul shattering experience

Hi @Former-Member can chat somewhere else if you like. Don't want to tread on this 'thread' .. not sure where's a good spot tho der

1 - 10 of 14

1 2