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Love

Love

Hello I'm in a situation and I'm going crazy with it my sister has been married for 15 years to her husband but I have been having an affair with my brother in law for 7 now
What do I do he loves me I love him but this could break up the family

Please help

4 replies

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In response to: Love

Re: Love

Dear TET. You ARE in an awkward spot. Sorry, but I feel sorry for your sister. Are you married? I think, if it were me, I would be inclined to either tell your sister, or walk away and leave them both alone. As you said, if this gets out, the whole family will be affected, and you and BIL will certainly be ostracized. He and your sister were married for 8 years before you got caught up, so I'm wondering about the 'seven year itch' in his case. You're right this will just about destroy your family. I think you better leave him alone, or ask him what he wants to do? If you are serious, have a think about the repercussions. Can you afford to lose your family? Do they have children, think about them too.

In response to: Love

Re: Love

Hi @TET, Welcom e to the forums. This is a terrible predicament you are in, this man truly gas his cake & eating it too. And I know you can't see the forest through the trees. I was 'the other woman' in my younger more vulnerable, less smart days. Wish I valued myself more He wanted two wives & freedom to sleep around. It does mess with your head. My attempts to leave him resulted in him stalking, dvo's & family court battles, church shunning & shame to my father. A Long dreary saga nobody wants to know about, but now I'm free of him. Either all parties agree to a unlawful poligomy (like the Mormans) or He needs to 'man up' and decide who he wants. My guess is he is using you. Taking advantage. Does your sister know? She must. You have to say goodbye to one or both of them, can you choose? Get on with your life without them both? No matter which way you go its gonna be very hard emotionally, but you can do this, you must.

In response to: Love

Re: Love

Set up supports for yourself, and adventure, be kind to your future self & get the hell out of dodge!

In response to: Love

Re: Love

Hi,

As someone who is married to a guy who has had an affair.... I can tell you she probably knows "something" has been going on at some point, just maybe not sure who or what. But if they had a strongish connection, she would have noticed his change....

my suggestion... If you love your sister, think about everything you would need to do if it was some other women other than you. Get supports in place for her. If they want to work it out, then tell him to organise some relationship counselling for them both (if she wants to stick with him). But have it all in place in some way or another.... Then, the hardest part, tell her. Sit down in a neutral spot and tell her. Go to a park or something so she can scream if she wants to. But make sure everything else is there for her before you tell.

If you stop your relationship with him and not say anything, either he will go find someone else... Or if he goes back to being just with her, she will notice the difference between you both and the difference in her relationship and trust me... If she has to put it together, sorry to say, but you will be done for.

you and him need to decide what you want and you need to decide if you want to try and be a sister, or "the other woman"

sorry if it isn't a hope filled response, but...

on the flip side, she probably already knows he is up to something, and might be relieved if it is someone she knows.... Never know you luck

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