Journey again

Hello all

Tis just so hard to keep on

And yet I have a reason - Baby Girl is with me again, she is here most of the time, she is ageing & yet so beautiful.

Dancing in her own mind, so alive & kitten like, behaviours that are blissful & yet suggest confusion

She has adapted since I commenced working from home, S4 C-19

However, adaptation has taken a toll upon me

I am so afraid to leave my home, accountability is so high, I am terrified to go anywhere & yet the necessity to provide in person mental health services is now so essential

I will have to somehow cope with this next week - a 30klm drive

I continue to consider negative options & yes Baby Girl is back again

I know this is just another episode & it will again pass

However, survival is of no interest again

I am endeavouring to come to terms with perhaps this time is now right, wheras it wasn't before

How come, I was meant to continue, how come I was meant to experience this, how come Baby Girl still needs me

How come, I am required to continue to practice - my wait time is now 6 weeks

I am so desolute & afraid

Perhaps the time has come to ring for support