I don't know how to do this any longer

It is so long since I have been in here. My Bipolar Cycles have kept me all over the place. I am now just so depressed I can't stand it. What keeps me here? I have 2 horses. I have to get out of bed to feed them and rug them morning and night. Other than that I am in bed. I know I should be exercising them but I also know I should be showering but not doing that either. I feel guilty for everything. I feel so isolated yet can't stand being around ppl all at the same time. There is just no joy in life any more I can't even find the motivation to spend more time with my furbabies who were my life.... I'm just always desparate to get back to bed. I don't talk to others about it I just make ecuses if I am supposed to be somewhere. It sounds sp pathetic and I admit that's how I feel at the moment. All the usual 'self care' recommendations seem great when you are reasonably well but it's like you cross a line and are just locked in a prison all alone and nobody knows let alone understands... I've tried reaching out to lifeline a few times... I don't know where to turn any more.