Bjd2020Casual Contributor
OK physically but mentally not in a good way
My nightmare started on the morning of Friday 26th June. I woke up with sudden hearing loss through my right ear and slight nausea. I knew instinctively that it was SSNHL so I presented to the ED at Wyong Hospital. After I was told to wait in another area, I spoke to someone behind a window that I needed steroids to save my hearing and that it was urgent. The lady was nice and said that everything would be fine.
The doctor who then saw me pretty much refused to do any basic tests besides looking at my ears with a scope. She would not even listen to me. But the funny thing is she must have known what SSNHL was because she said it was rare and that is true! Of course, there was "nothing wrong" with my ears except I was almost f@#$ing deaf in my right ear. The amount of distress I was experiencing might have been mistaken for physical pain. She refused the steroids I desperately needed, of course I knew she would, she said the steroids had side effects (no shit sherlock), as though that was somehow worse than permanent hearing loss, and instead gave me useless ear drops and told me to see a GP in 5 days - I needed to start steroids immediately within 24 hours, 72 hours at most or I was going to lose my hearing in that ear forever.
I've been through a lot in my life and I decided that I was going to end my own life on the 28th because I was not going to accept this life sentence that this stupid arrogant doctor had handed me. But for some reason I had a last minute change of mind.
I got lucky and my hearing started recovering on the 29th and within a week it was back to normal. This does happen with SSNHL in a certain percentage of cases but sometimes it doesn't. You are supposed to start taking medication immediately. My hearing is so precious to me, music is the only thing that keeps me sane, and I am sure that is the case with almost everyone else too.
After the initial crisis was over I decided against suicide, but I am still pretty much not recovered from that experience. I still have bad nightmares and feel awful. For some reason I am unable to cry which makes it so much worse because I cannot release the pent up anguish.
I just cannot understand why this doctor thought that putting her patient through a suicidal crisis was somehow not as bad as just giving her patient the medication he desperately needed to save his hearing. It is as if the temporary side effects of prednisone are worse than permanent hearing loss - which is complete nonsense.
They say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - but the sad part is that this problem could well have ended up being a permanent problem. And I can say without reservation that had my hearing not returned I probably wouldn't be here to write this.
Physically I am OK but mentally I am in a very, very dark place and I don't know what to do. All this despite seeing a psychologist and making appointments with a psychiatrist. My medications for depression and anxiety were working very well up until this traumatic experience. They are still working but no where near as well as they were.
