Mum's nursing home in full lockdown - thinking of taking her home with me, but I work p/t

I understand your dilemma, I look after my elderly mother , and I supported mum looking after dad who had dementia before he passed away. My mum does not have dementia, however I still find it challenging to care for her. I have support from my partner . I also have a son who has mental illness. I am in Victoria and am part of Carers Victoria group. They have social support activities before covid but they have online support. I am sure there is a Queensland group. Also there is government support like carers for your mum and respite care.

My dad at the end of his life was in a nursing home ,and I have mixed feelings about this

I know even with the challenges with mum, I feel she can order me about, like I am still 10, I find it hard to let her take a course of action in care that I think is wrong. However we get there and I am glad I can care for her and it is rewarding to have the type of relationship you get from being a carer.

The most important thing I know caring for mum and dad is to take seriously selfcare and put the work into yourself, find a social group, get out, have friends. Otherwise for me it is too easy to give up and become resentful and tried.

Hey

I just moved from Griffin 4503 back to Sydney with my mum who has Parkinson's and Dementia. I moved back as I needed support physical and mental support.

My mum is barely mobile and can only stand (barely) with assistance and incontinent. BUT always wants to use the the toilet not the nappy so it's a race most days trying to get her there in time. She's pretty much wheelchair bound.

This is my opinion- It is HARD. ....BUT I don't want to place her in a nursing home MY CHOICE even though it's affecting not only my mental health dealing with everything as well as physical due to the lifting etc.

It sounds like everything was perfect for you and your mum before covid. ...being able to visit and take her out etc

Only you will know what will be right for you and mum. .There's really no right or wrong.

Your mum gets 24/7 care by ppl who can go home after a shift. They have the beds the hoists the equipment ... if you choose to bring her home just make sure physically and mentally you.ll have support for yourself and yr mum as well as equipment/mobility aids etc Hopefully covid will be over soon and you can visit asap with the cat

All the best xx

Hey LorryC,

It's incredibly tough watching our beloved parent/s become frail, and sad as they realise that the life in many care homes is not exactly what most of us want for our twilight years, especially once any degradation of faculties starts to come into play.

I was my mum's live-in carer for 12 months, she had existing mental health issues (delusion of persecution) but was still (fiercely) independent until her first stroke, after which I was her full-time carer in her home. It was incredibly challenging, especially as the stroke was massive and affected mum's ability to moderate her anger, and introduced demntia like symptoms wherein mum could just completely forget conversations from day to day.
It was very traumatic for her and she could often get very angry as she wouldn't believe that we may have discussed a decision and agreed on something, as she would have no memory of it at all. It's also challenging for them as the never stop wanting to be your mum and look after you, but the roles have reversed which can take some adjustment.

Sadly mum had a second stroke which meant she could no longer be cared for in-home, and she's now in permanent residential care with little prospect of being able to even regain sitting balance. Lot's of tears but still get some smiles sometimes, glad for every moment i get with her from here on.

Being a full time carer can burn you out very quickly no matter how much you love them, especially with dementia creeping in. Maybe consider trying overnight stays at your house for her a couple of times a week, or on a weekend whatever works best for your situation. That would let you have some time where your mum can share the family love with you at your home, but also allow you the down time that's critical to keep yourself in a good headspace and or working as you need to. It will also allow you to guage whether it's feasible to consider full-time caring arrangements, as depending on the stage of dementia it can be incredibly demanding providing round the clock care.

Even a 1-2 nights a week with you will make a big difference to your mum, and might be the perfect tradeoff for you both. It's a steep learning curve to jump into 24/7 care for someone with high needs, better to ease into it and find your balance point.

Hope this helps, and hoping the nursing home has exited lockdown too.
Much love at a tough time.
stayhuman