PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME

I just want to sleep and rest. I'm tired. I know strategies. I sleep and rub my feet together. That's my self soothing for now.

Life tends to hit from all sides at once, sometimes. Feel free to keep posting, or take a break if you need. There's also a chat option (top right of screen) if you aren't up for calling.

Sometimes @Powderfinger it comes to a point where we do say enough is enough. We can only give what we can and if that is not given in return then it makes a relationship all one sided. That does not mean you are unworthy of support - just that your partner is unwilling or unable to give that. We all deserve support and if we cannot get that from the one who is supposed to love, care and support us then quite often tht means that you need to move on. None of that is easy - certainly not when you need that support the most - but if that is what it is going to be like now then it is likely to be the same going forward. It is a hard decision to make to end a relationship but in saying that if you are not getting out of it what you need then maybe it is the right decision.

Do not give up on love though - this may not be the right relationship right now but you certainly seem to have a lot of love to give and that right person may come along when you least expect it.

@Jynx thanks for mentioning that.

@Zoe7

I've come to the realisation it needs to end. I've literally got nothing left. My brain scrambles for what to try and it can't find anything. It's like I'm completely shattered. I can literally see a beautiful glass mirror in front of me in my own minds eye completely shatter. That is my heart I'm seeing.

It's not easy to end it. When we met, I suppose it was a spiritual experience of some sort. We hugged and we both felt it happen. It was like something smashed/jolted. It was like coming home.

Aside from our physical home we share together, there is the coming home together.

I can't do this anymore though. I want someone who is not willing to give the things I need.

There are times she is so very beautiful to me. Caring, kind, loving and supportive. Then other times just not there at all. I'm at the point where I understand she needs to go her own way and if that is without me I have to accept it and let go. Here I am again. It's always me having to do the tough and right things.

Love is a dirty word to me right now. I'm so tired. I am out of everything. The kind thing to do for myself is to leave. I've put boundaries down. I've said enough is enough, no more. The only thing I'm wondering is if It have done the right thing by saying no more. It's soul destroying to have someone like this and want them/a life with them and just be pushed aside and away.

She suggested we go camping yesterday to Kalbarri, four hours away.

To be fair, she has had a lot of changes too this year. A new partner that is healthy ish, a move, leaving her job to start her own business, corona virus and a few emotional upheavals in her own life.

I just don't know but will talk to my therapist tomorrow. I am not sorry for what I said to her. Often our partners need to tell us the hard things no one else will. I did it out of love, not hate.

It is always hard ending a relationship - especially when you seem to get pulled back in by the good things present. We must weigh those up against the not so good and determine if they are things worth working on or are insummountable longer term. Talking to your therapist tomorrow is a good idea - you can say things you cannot here.

Any relationship needs working on but sometimes those things that get in the way are too hard to overcome. It is not a failure to end the relationship in those circumstances - I personally think that is very wise and courageous - if you are not receiving the support you need and feeling as though you are the only one trying to communicate then making that decision is admirable.

Do not get me wrong - I am not advocating for you to definitely end this relationship but I do believe (from personal experience) that without communication, mutual support and care from your partner then there is future worth persuing. We can only be hurt so many times before we say enough is enough.

Hello @Powderfinger

I hope you have been able to self soothe and settle. There is so much intensity around intimate relationships that we can feel full of anguish when we dont connect. I agree there is a lot of work needed just to live and get on. There are often push pull dynamics where partners may try and keep themselves together when one is more vulnerable. You said, it the stresses of Corona do not help. Not sure what your lockdown situation is, but an invitation for camping could be healing and bonding, but you may not be up for it. Go gently with yourself as you work through things.

Stay Safe and Take Care

Apple

@Appleblossom hi, thanks for responding. I've calmed a little bit. Whatever the dynamic, eight months of it and I'm done. My assessment of it is it is not sustainable. This pattern n and rollercoaster is toxic, destructive and unhealthy. It makes no sense to continue on. In the past I would stay anyway. That's the past. I'm not in any way like that anymore.

With Corona, I am in WA. We are more fortunate than other states. We both love camping. The issue is the damage is so deep and has been ongoing for at least seven months. Mostly her choices and treatment of me. I can now see she us too unstable in herself to be in a commited, healthy relationship. Camping, won't enable us to build ant bond. Not with the same behaviour and not with clear intentions from her end. It takes work and so far I can not see any of that happening. There is no respect for me.

I feel deeply for her and I have compassion. I always have and still do. In saying that my strong empathic nature and loving compassionate self seems to give people an idea I can be walked all over. No more. I have boundaries and consequences for them being violated.

I'm sorry to seem like this is unloving with what I'm about to say, she needed the kick up the but today. Enough is enough. Having a bad childhood us not a licence to not treat your partner lovingly and kindly. Get off your but and learn. Excuses don't get you anywhere. I've had the utmost patience, compassion, respect, hours of listening hours, rage directed at me and held space as I knew who it was really for, ignored, silent treatment for days and is any of it or me nothing ced and appreciated. BIG FAT NO.

IM DONE. I deserve better. I'm not looking for anyone else nor do I need a relationship. Every time I get into one, life gets bad, when I'm not in one, life is good. The little tiny things are not enough to fix this. I wish they were so I could stay, but they are not enough.

Shape up or ship out as I'm done.

I'm a person that is always willing to grown and learn. I genuinely believe that what I said to her today was not so bad. I wasn't saying it viciously to hurt her or bring her down. I was saying it to her her to finally wake up to herself. I'm checking in on it because I don't want to be in the position of a guilt trip and a blame game. Sometimes I think love is about not saying sn unkind word to the one you love. I don't do abuse. That's not love. It's been seven hours now since she has spoken to me at all. She has stayed in the bedroom.

I've been in twice and she appears to have been sleeping. Of course I am worried. I'm trying to not bow in to checking on her. I've had days of being left alone and not spoken to. So, this time In not buying into it anymore. I have to take care of me first. I'm not very well and it just goes nowhere good anyhow.

@outlander thank yiu