PowderfingerSenior Contributor
PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME
HELP!!! I'm very distressed in myself and I need someone calm to talk to me to calm me down. I'm unable to regulate my thoughts emotions and feelings.
Everyday, I lose it. I sob and I lose it. I'm going to therapy tomorrow. I've told my partner I'm moving out. After nine months of patience, love, compassion, forgiveness and my every decision I gave needed to be made, I thought about my relationship I had enough.
I have told my partner very bluntly and my words pick up your ....hit, sort out your ...hit, grow up and be a better person and partner. You want all these things yet you sit in your ....ucking arse and don't do anything. It us not going to come to you on a silver platter. You have to work for it. I told her she is selfish and does not think about me nor the relationship, just herself and what she wants.
I said boohoo you had a bad childhood, so did I. I need to work every single day of my life. What do you do? Nothing but you want a life with me, to build a life with me and I'm the love of your life. They are words and words just full of pain now. I don't even know if I can or should believe them.
I'm not sure if she is playing games with me on purpose or if she really has no idea what she is doing. Regardless, 9 months of continuosly being ignored and I can't anymore.
I felt a little safe to open up this morning about personal things. When I was done, she got up and walked away. Washed her jumper and went outside to water her plants. I did not register till two minutes later that I'd had no response and she walked off.
I went outside and asked what was the reason she got up and walked away? She came and sat down. She said there was no reason. She said you say so much and by the time you're done I'm still trying to process what you have said. I said to her I've had a mental breakdown, my mind is struggling to put anything in order. Getting up and walking away is not helpful to me. I really need my partner right now. It's not entirely all up to you, I will get other supports but I still need you. Silence again.
I had to sort some things out. I did them, went to bed after as I was not coping. This horrible destructive, painful and torturous cycle is ongoing.
I am still in love. I'm lost and in terrible pain. Please someone talk to me about ALL I've spoken here.
I can't wait till therapy tomorrow. I truly need someone.
