Re building after a mental breakdown

@Powderfinger

I hear you that you just want to take your time to be patient with yourself.

I am here with you and sitting with you.

Hi 👋 @Powderfinger ,

ive followed some of your posts and have wanted to respond a few times but have been distracted for one reason or another (distraction is one of my many mild superpowers 😉).

I can identify with what you've experienced as far as a breakdown. I think as @jem80 said I think that giving yourself time is important. I was so stuck for a very long time after mine. I'm still kind of stuck.

After my breakdown my therapist told me that I was in an ideal place to create a new identity. That's proved to be much more complex than it sounds but it's doable.

Give yourself time for the grieving parts. They might be ongoing because of the complexity of your grieving. I also had a complex situation that I didn't really or understand that I was passing through one phase of my life that I could never go back to. There are other members on the forum that have gone through this kind of complex grief as well.

Therapy will help heal and help you find your feet again if you can connect with the therapist. (It took me three to find the right one for me). I hope you find one that you can connect with.

As far as looking after you the only piece of advice I am give from my experiences is to find something that takes your mind off your MH. It was something that I didn't do. I became fixated on fixing me. It made things worse. Some of the things that were suggested to me (that I ignored at the time 😳) was to find some things that inspire curiosity. The notion of finding something joy is probably not possible at the moment. Finding something that directs your thoughts to that task is something that will help you build those calming things into your 'toolbox'.

About the only thing that I've continuously done since I started the recovery phase was gardening. For me this was just having some pots with my favourite plants in. As my MH ebbed and flowed I'd lose plants from neglect when I was really low but then when I was doing ok I'd start again. Without knowing the reason I slowly came to do more of it when I was really low. It meant I got out of my bed and went outside to get some sunlight. I was struggling this morning with feeling low, and without too much thought I went outside and repotted 3 plants. I feel calmer and more connected for it. I was able to come in and write this post to you. These are the small things that are beginning to help shape the post breakdown me.

Many people find something (a hobby) that they find therapeutic. It can be anything that just passes time and you don't realise it. Some find baking, crafts, art and music as a kind of soul food. Others might find house renovating, building things, fixing things, learning something new or a new exercise or sport as something to help them through this time. Just remember that all you need is a bit of curiosity. It won't make things instantly better but it will help you build a new you in the future. This takes much time from my experiences and from reading others experiences on the forum.

Lastly I once found a quote about relationships that's stuck with me. It's "I'll look after me for you if you look after you for me". It sounds like by looking after you now you are looking after your relationship for now. If your relationship lasts it will be something that's always helpful. If your relationship doesn't last you've learnt an amazing life skill of knowing how to care for you. That's the biggest relationship you'll ever have - the one with yourself.

Sorry if this is long or a bit preachy. I can be a bit prone to that 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:.

Take care. 😊

@Teej

Hi, thank you for writing in eventually. I have read what you have written and will refer to it a few times. It's hard to take in lots of information right now so I have to break it down even if it us only one line.

My mind needs a lot if time to repair itself. The grief is enormous. I will take in board your suggestion for a hobby. I think that will come a bit later BUT I will be incorporating a hobby into my life while I'm re building.

I need to deal with things in therapy first. Trying to plot and plan right now is not good timing. I am trying to accept the fact that life totally went to crap for me.

Thanks again for writing in. I wish you a better day each day in your recovery.

@jem80

It us so helpful when someone says they are sitting with me.

Yes, I want patience and I'd prefer other people's patience. Living in an entitled and fast paced society does not work for me. They are so unaware they are even doing it.

It doesn't work for me especially with a mental breakdown. I need time and I don't want to tell everyone I had a mental breakdown. That is my personal life.

Update: I thought I had a breakthrough with my partner last night. She's been absent for the whole if lost week. With me as we live together, but absent emotionally from me.

Last night I broke down yet again because I'm just not coping with my life, my breakdown and thus happening. She was there for me last night. I thought we turned a corner. I felt a teeny spark of happiness and relief return.

Today, different day, same bullshit. I'm done. I can't do it anymore. We have a massive office separate from the main house. I think it's time for me to leave the main house and live in there permanently. I cannot live like this. Every day now I'm breaking down.

I can see she is struggling. Perhaps best for both of us I think.

Hi Ramble,

Sorry to read you are struggling so much. I find some time apart does help. Having a bit of space can make me feel more relaxed.

It is tough when we feel like we are always fluctuating from what works and feels good to what is hard and difficult.

Hopefully you will be able to keep up the communication with your partner and explain how you are feeling and explain what you need to do right now.

I keep asking for a caravan for the back yard, or even a shed.

Hope you can find ways through this.