Uncertain about my safety at the moment

T.W: Suicidal ideation, Self Harm + possible Attempt

I've been fighting this thing in my head and the urge to harm myself these past few days., and each day the urge builds up and I feel that I'm nearly at the point of caving into harming myself because the reeling/urge is now making me feel uncomfortable inside., in past when I get to this point, I almost always do it just to relieve and reset my brain.,

nothing has triggered any of these thoughts and urge, it just seem to come and go., I honestly believe that I don't have anything in my life that I can be proud of and that nothing in my life is worth fighting for., My life is empty and full of bad decisions that now I am having trouble getting my life better., I have the problem of addiction with meth and gambling which was a result of that bad decision I made years ago, then to top it off I've been unemployed for 2yrs now and has been receiving Centrelink benefit ever since.,

The worst part of it is that a month or so ago, I got really close in dying by learning + actually tried a new way of taking my own life while I was a patient in a psych ward., Now knowing that it almost worked, It has now been my go to thing when I'm feeling this low., the only thing is that whenever I try to do it again, someone always finds me early enough to harm myself., But now being home and living alone makes it a perfect situation to do it coz no one will know or no one will be able to help me in time.,

Long story short, I'm a burden to my family because all I give them is problems and disappointment, so I think that once I'm gone they will be better, probably sad for awhile after I'm gone but they'll eventually be alright.,