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Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

I am struggling a bit of late. I feel like I've got nowhere to safely vent my feelings anymore. My partner and I met on a mental health facebook group and because we are both admin on that group, I feel like it is no longer fitting the purpose of a support group for me. I don't see a psychologist or counsellor as my psychiatrist doesn't think I need one. I used to have a peer support worker but don't anymore as I've been discharged from the service. That is making me feel incredibly 'stuck' in my feelings about things.

As I mentioned in my first post, I live with schizophrenia and depression. Sometimes I don't feel anything except apathy. My psychiatrist says that is part of the illness though. Sometimes, especially lately, I've been having dark thoughts again. I have voices which command me to do some horrible things but I never follow through on them and never would. I also have feelings of paranoia, that I'm being watched constantly and that people generally have malicious intentions towards me.

I don't really know how to vent or where to do it. I was wondering if anyone was able to share what they do to help get things out? I am supposed to be studying on my computer right now, but here I am, typing this instead. I'll probably fail at my studies anyway so why bother is what my voices say. I just want to succeed.

9 replies

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In response to: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Hi Queenie. Having voices telling you not to bother following through with your studies, must make you feel you're fighting two separate battles. You're trying to succeed in your chosen field, your voices are telling you (wrongly) not to bother. Are you taking AD's to help control the voices? If you are being monitored properly, I would ask your psych to give you some guidance on
'drowning' out the voices, so you can study. When we hear voices putting us down for trying to succeed, it can make it harder to try. I suggest you ask your psych for some help in getting through your studies. Tell him/her what you're doing, tell him what the voices are saying, tell him it's impossible to study when they're coming through so clearly. It's also sad you no longer have the support group you mentioned. Sounds as though you're being ostracized/punished because you commenced a relationship, that's a bit unfair. Just because you love a fellow worker, shouldn't make any difference to your needing help and support.

In response to: Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Hi There,

i have a couple of ideas i use to help bring up my mood if im on a downer. Last week was really tricky for me, the old: 'When it rains it pours" saying. i couldn't fix all my presented problems all at once ( bills, house work, reports, ha- i stubbed my toe really really really bad... etc) but i knew that if i accomplished a few tasks i would feel much better in myself- then not worry as much about my presenting issues all coming at me in one day- well, ever day for a week.

I mowed the lawn- both cleaning up the yard nice AND getting some exercise done 😉

i only cleaned up one room in my house 100% rather than floating back and forth half completing chores everywhere like normal.

I turned some pop music up really loud and danced around silly singing- i didnt feel like it but i knew it would work.

Sometimes its better to work through one day at a time when it all gets a bit overwhelming.

Theres also places like this that is good for an old vent- or lifeline?

Hope my ideas help- does any one else have any ideas?

In response to: Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

@pip : I do take antipsychotic medication and antidepressants for my illness but of late have been stressed and I find this exacerbates my voices. I guess I am fighting two separate battles, you're right in that.

When I was in hospital earlier this year, I worked with a nurse in developing good distraction techniques but these have all flown out the window because of the severe stress I am under at present. I just don't seem to be able to relax. I hope that changes soon. Some of the distraction techniques I use are listening to music and playing online games. At the moment I can't seem to focus on those either.

I see my psychiatrist on 1 August, so I'll be sure to mention it then.

Thanks for your reply 🙂

In response to: Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

@Baboo : Thanks for your reply 🙂 I hear what you are saying with the when it rains it pours analogy, I feel like this at the moment.

I managed to do some note taking for study today which means it isn't a completely wasted day. Although I didn't manage to accomplish much else. I slept for four hours (my meds make me very tired sometimes, especially in the days following my depot injection). I hope with everything at the moment I am not biting off more than I can chew, I think I need some sort of way to balance study and life and illness so that neither gets on top of me.

Thanks for your tips and thaks for offering a place to vent. I think I prefer forums to organisations like Lifeline because I find it less scripted and more personal.

In response to: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Hi @Queenie. Things that I do to distract myself / calm down:
* I keep my hands busy - knitting, writing, sudoku or solitaire.
* I breath - sounds easy - I have a little ap on my phone that I follow in time with my breath.
*I talk - sometimes to a friend - sometimes to the tv (I just need to blurt - it doesn't always matter if anyone is listening).
*I punch a cushion / pillow. I yell at it. Tell it what I think of it (it being whoever or whatever has irritated & annoyed me).
* I watch a comedy. I like the British ones the best - Ab Fab, Vicer of Dibley, Mrs Browns Boys
* I take a hot bath or shower
* I listen to music or put the tv on to distract me
* I go for walks (although less now it's so cold).
* I dance. Probably look like an idiot, but it does release tension.
& * Everyday I try and do 2 relaxation and mindfulness exercises that I've down loaded from the internet.

I hope some of these may prove helpful to you and I hope your mood lifts soon.
Oh - the other thing I do is get on this forum and write and talk to others. Check in with how others are doing & let them know how I'm going. It's a great little community

In response to: Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Thanks Utopia for your reply 🙂 Mrs Browns Boys is on in the background at the moment, it's a funny show. I really like Dawn French. You have quite a list of distractions there and I'll certainly remember them. I do often talk to the TV when nobody else is around... my neighbours probably think I'm completely mad because they've seen me but I don't care 🙂
I think I'll pop in and use the forum too if that's ok folks, I find it a good way to release also.

In response to: Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Hello @Queenie we havent met before.

Its great you are doing admin for a support group with your partner, but I can understand that now it feels like work rather than support. Running groups is HARD work.

I am surprised your psych doesnt allow you to have a counsellor ... like a quasi ... prn ... regardless of diagnosis and meds ... I think counsellors can be useful .. especially if you feel the need and you have good one.

Talk it over with a GP they can refer you. It can be a problem if psychdocs have too much control ...cos they are human and might get some things wrong ... so seeing someone under a care plan makes sense to me with all you are dealing with ... if you only use 3 sessions aome years and more in others ... at least then you have the option ... some psychdocs .. are more med and diagnoses oriented ... I prefer them to have some background in psychotherpay as well ... just my preference.

IMHO schizophrenia is not just a genetic condition and quality of life can improve with psychotherapy ...

Good luck

Apple

In response to: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Glad to have you on board @Queenie.

In response to: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Re: Struggling a bit today. Ideas folks?

Hi @Queenie

I find voices can be very intrusive and at their most destructive at night. I've found listening to a commercial talk back ststion very helpful
Some of the opinions of callers are so inane that I end up telling them what I think about their stupidity
It certainly gives me a different type of voice to listen to. It works for me at night mostly.

Mainly though if my voices are stridently intrusive I have to rely on heavy doses of antipsychotics. During the day I find if I focus intensely on what I'm doing it's not so bad. What I find really difficult in the workplace is working out what's real and what's just the voices.
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