Sharona1Contributor
thoughts or similar experiences: living with hate
Hi fellow carers/family members
My adult son with complex mental illness lives with me. His choice. However, he is extremely cold towards me. If I walk into the living room, he either covers his eyes to avoid seeing me or leaves if he hears me coming. He doesn't say basic greetings: no Hi, Bye. Good night, thanks, please, how are you. Nothing except perhaps in response to me, robotically, through a closed door or online. He has been very aggressive in the past, and the only reason it is not apparent at present is because I am just living to avoid conflict , such as doing all the work, not discussing anything unless he wants to, quietly putting up with the mess, etc, staying in my room, keeping interaction to a minimum and positive from my part.
The particular aspect I want to bring up here today is how this negative environment is so bad for my own mental health. I have my own mental health issues, especially anxiety and panic disorder. I grew up with a father who was very much like my son is now in trms of behaviour and 'vibe'. I left home at 17 along with all my siblings. He was always angry, hateful, bubling aggression and showed no affection. Waiting for him to come home at night always put me into a state of high anxiety. My father never talked to me. My mother always said things like, ' your father will be home in about 10 minutes, make a deision if you will go to your room. " " I hear the gate! Hr' here!" We all scattered or else learned to starte into the TV and not move . It is just everything I didn't want in my life.
Anyway, my son seems unable to manage alone. He seems to need to at least have another human 'around'. He has Avoidant Personality Disorder diagnosis but that was a long time ago.
Sometimes I feel that my son seems to thin k that I am the one bing clod and not affectionate. Well, there may be some truth in that NOW, because I cannot relax an be myself at all. Whatever I say, he thinks is ignorant. He refuses any psychologists etc.
Living in a house where someone hates you but you cook and clean and support them, eventually, it is having what feels like a deep, long term effect on my own mental health.
any thoughts or similar expereicnes appreciated.
Cheers people.
Sharona
