Hi.

Tis me...I'm sorry to be back.

don't really know how to write any of this, it's not in any particular order. I'm sorry in advance. I just want to sit with someone. Have someone hear me for a change.

I miss my step dad, I said goodbye to him 2 weeks ago. Mum is taking it hard and she's a bit of a mess. I have so many problems with my mum and had to see her yesterday for her own health. It's complicated betweenus and I was dealing with her for my stepdads sake, now he's gone it's hard.

It's been 2 years since I was diagnosed with a brain tumour ...hmmmm...idk.

10 months since my incident that has left me permanently disabled. I wish it had turned out different.

My boyfriend is having a psychotic episode and I feel helpless. I'm watching him fade. I'm scared and it reminds me of myself in a way.

My voices came back a few weeks ago. Time in the psych ward did not help that.

Self harm becoming frequent again and suicide attempts.
It's been 8 years since I first ended up in psych ward....8 years of a being waste of space that shouldn't have been saved..
I can't eat/drink atm not even for meds...

I'm so tired of the pain.

They started an NDIS application for me, I actually feel more hopeless now. Why am I bothering with it, nothing can actually help me.

Physio is shit.

My psychologist is stuck.

I'm writing this from emergency again, knowing well that I'll be sent home at 8am without seeing anyone told I should get over myself. My newmanagement plan has meant I'm not allowed to see crisis team anymore. But when I need medical attention they just yell at me to present before hand but this happens so idk.
I'm crying rn....it's gonna be a long night in the waiting room.
I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting to come back. I'm just stuck n scared. I feel so sad and alone.

X